


In The Shadow Of Your Heart

by Howtosolveit



Category: Daisy Jones & The Six - Taylor Jenkins Reid, 陈情令 | The Untamed (TV), 魔道祖师 - 墨香铜臭 | Módào Zǔshī - Mòxiāng Tóngxiù
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Rock Band, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, M/M, Slow Burn, Substance Abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-05
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-17 06:20:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 29,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29220879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Howtosolveit/pseuds/Howtosolveit
Summary: MDZS Daisy Jones/Rock Band AU - loosely based on Daisy Jones and The SixThe minute I did the interview I knew what the article was going to be about: “The frontmen of America's favorite band absolutely loathe each other”Lan Wangji hates Wei Wuxian almost as much as he knows he needs him for his band.
Relationships: Lán Zhàn | Lán Wàngjī/Wèi Yīng | Wèi Wúxiàn
Comments: 10
Kudos: 29





	1. Wake Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title based on the Florence + the Machine song. 
> 
> This story is loosely based on Daisy Jones and The Six. You absolutely do not need to have read the book to understand this story. If you have not, you can take this as a rockband AU.
> 
> If you are a fan of Daisy Jones I did not keep this story set in the 1970s. I found the Americana vibe of Daisy Jones and the 70s rock style just did not make sense with the characters being canonically Chinese. The story is still set in America to keep it closer to the rock n roll vibe of Daisy Jones and because I really know next to nothing about idols.
> 
> Also this is NOT beta'ed. I wish it was because I'm sure I'm going to make tons of mistakes on Chinese names, culture and the music industry. This is going to be a learning process for me too. I appreciate any and all feedback regarding accuracy.
> 
> This will be slowburn and the ratings will change as the story progresses. More notes at the end. 
> 
> Warnings:  
> Drug and alcohol use and addiction

In the Shadow of Your Heart: Chapter 1

**Anna Hill, writer for Pitchfork** : Wei Wuxian has captured the public's hearts and minds. Why has this recently obscure artist, who not months ago was known only for his Instagram account, garnered so much hype? The answer is in the very thing that has some critics sticking their noses up at him: his astute use of social media. 

Everyone wants the long hair, the large “FUCKBOI” emblazoned tank tops, the devil may care attitude. People might hate him because he acts like he doesn’t care about anything, but that is also why they love him. He’s got an incredible voice that he doesn’t cultivate, he’s got a larger than life sense of style, and most of all he’s got magnetic charisma. It doesn’t hurt that he also inherited great wealth from his adoptive family, the Jiang clan. Being adopted by the uber wealthy manufacturer mogul gives him access to all the drugs, alcohol and parties he could desire.

People are drawn to the persona, the hype and the rock n roll lifestyle, but ultimately they stay for the sheer talent. Now people are wondering what happens next for the young artist. After jumping to the top 10 on the charts for a self produced lyrical cover of “Chicago Freestyle” the budding star must be busy planning his next move….

~~~

Wei Wuxian’s back is already sweating by the time he opens the door to the Uber parked in front of his Lower East Side studio. He tries to adjust his Ray Bans further up his nose only for them to slip back down immediately. Manhattan’s 90 degree summer weather doing his mild hangover absolutely zero favors. 

“Wei Wuxian?” Asks the driver. 

Sliding into his seat Wei Wuxian flips the driver the sunniest smile he can muster.

“That’s right.” He eyes the man over his sunglasses checking for any recognition but only receives a polite nod. The reaction is to be expected he grants--after all his primary audience right now is under 25. He grabs his phone out of his pocket and opens it to check for any notifications.

Flipping through his instagram, twitter and snapchat notifications he finds a text from his adoptive sister, Yanli.

‘Good luck A-Xian!!!! <3 <3 I know you will be absolutely fantastic, and afterwards you should come over to celebrate!!!!!!!’ -Yanli

He smiles and pockets the phone. Yanli is more thoughtful than he deserves, but at least now he has something to look forward to. He would like to think he isn’t nervous, after all, his persona, WWX, has gotten hype despite his independent status. Not having a record deal was never something he felt bitter about, and was never a goal of his. However, being an overnight success and internet phenomena doesn’t make it easy to lie low. That’s why, just two days ago he found himself staring at an email from Cultivation Records producer Lan Xichen. First he googled the name and email to try to run a reverse search to see if this was an elaborate prank. Then he responded in what he hopes was a nonchalant manner. He’s got an image to keep up. 

Now that the opportunity has presented itself to him he can’t help but feel the tug of desire deep in his gut. He’s always wanted to just make music, good music that speaks to people, and now he might have a chance at a truly sizable audience.

He jumps as another notification comes in. 

‘Heard you have a meeting at CR today, try not to fuck it up.’ -JC

Wei Wuxian can’t help but roll his eyes as the car pulls up to the side of a large building in midtown that houses Cultivation Records. Jiang Cheng was probably sending that to avoid the silent treatment from Yanli. The three siblings were inseparable when they were younger. Yanli was the most responsible of the three as well as the oldest. Wei Wuxian and Jiang Chang always knew how to make her smile, and she knew how to stop their tears when they got themselves into trouble. Wei Wuxian remembers wonderful summers in California at their parents’ summer home. Back then their days were filled with endless beaches, summer cookouts, and long walks in the evening watching the sky burst with colors on the hills of Summerland. This was before he and Jiang Cheng were sent off to boarding school, and Yanli stayed at home to care for their parents. Now things were...more complicated.

Wei Wuxian sighs and types out a response quickly. “How dare you impune me A-cheng!!! The only things I fuck up are the things needing a good fucking <3!” a brief beat before he gets a response. 

‘Disgusting. Remind me never to text you again.’-JC

Wei Wuxian giggles slightly, happy that he can still get under Jiang Chengs skin as the car pulls up in front of the large building on 44th housing Cultivation Records. He gets out with a quick thank you to the driver, and takes a steadying breath before pushing through the revolving door into the sweetly air conditioned building. He’d like to think he isn’t nervous but his stomach is still churning with a mixture of excitement and anticipation. One of his favorite drugs is an adrenaline rush, but this is something that actually matters. He doesn’t want to mess it up.

As he walks in a short receptionist with bright pink acrylic nails glances up from what she is doing. He watches her visibly restrain her facial expressions. 

“Wei Wuxian-- I’m here for a meeting with Lan Xichen at 1 pm?” 

“Ah-- of course! We were expecting you” A blush lightly dusts her face and she turns away for a second to grab something off the desk. Turning back around she seems to have her face a bit more under control, and she walks out from behind her desk to swipe her key card so he can go into the elevator bank. 

“We get artists all the time, obviously, we are a recording studio, but I just want to say I’m a huge fan” She sends him a shy smile.

He pockets his sunglasses and puts on his most charming grin. “Well then--- I’m wondering if you could show me around the area after the meeting.” 

For a second she looks like she is about to combust from the request but she is miraculously saved by a cool voice behind her.

“That won’t be necessary.” 

Wei Wuxian turns. The first thing he notices are long straight eyebrows hovering over eyes that are the strangest mixture of brown and yellow. One could almost call them gold. The owner has a pair of slightly full lips accentuated with a faint sheen of gloss. The whole picture would have been lovely if the mouth wasn’t pursed together like it had just tasted something sour. 

“Ahh-- Mr. Lan- sir-- I didn’t realize you were coming in too!” The receptionist looks briefly relieved by her savior only to suddenly realize she now has two celebrities to deal with. One of them being the lead singer of The Six, and younger brother of Cultivation Records’ top producer Lan Xichen. 

“I am. Lan Xichen called me in to talk with Mr Wei and give him a brief tour after their meeting.” 

Despite the fact that Wei Wuxian was positive the man was irritated with his flirting earlier, Lan Wangji’s demeanor is now calm and his voice holds no inflection. It's hard to believe this is the lead vocalist for a massively popular band, the same man who is acclaimed for his ‘soul searing vocal performances’. Wei Wuxian has seen his face on the cover of  _ Rolling Stone _ ,  _ Pitchfork _ and  _ Entertainment Weekly _ but this is his first time seeing the singer in person. 

“You are too kind Lan Wangji! I will have to take you up on the offer! And I would still love to get your number.” He directs the last at the receptionist who blushes and starts to stammer a response until Lan Wangji interrupts.

“The appointment is in five minutes, we should go upstairs.”

Lan Wangji’s face remains expressionless. Wei Wuxian can’t help but feel like it hides a slow simmering anger. Not one to be deterred by anyone’s negative opinion he allows himself to be ushered into the elevator waving goodbye to the receptionist as he goes. 

The doors slide shut on the plushly carpeted chamber and he feels them begin to ascend. Silence descends on the room. For a brief moment he waits for Lan Wangji to speak. When he doesn't, Wei Wuxian decides to take the initiative.

“Ah, so happy you could show me around! I saw one of your recent interviews--you are doing so much promotion for  _ Cloud/Space  _ I’m surprised you have the time.” 

Lan Zhan remains silent so Wei Wuxian continues babbling. 

“I don’t think _Stones_ interviewer was very nice...digging you for the album being too safe, not unexpected-- It’s not like artists can put out original sounds every time they make music-- and he didn’t give the band any credit for the technical abilities...”  Trailing off Wei Wuxian glances at Lan Wangji out of the corner of his eye to see how that one landed. Nothing. He slaps on a big smile and decides to keep going.

“I’m excited to see the area. I’m never in midtown--too stuffy. I prefer staying in the LES --or Brooklyn, I’m sure you are the expert though! Your brother lives near the office right?” 

He takes another breath to keep going when Lan Wangji quietly cuts him off.

“What did you think of the album?” 

Wei Wuxian turns to examine Lan Wangji’s face more fully but it gives nothing away. 

“Honestly? I didn’t listen to the whole thing through. I thought the music quality was interesting, and the technical ability was there as I said. To me though none of the songs really pushed the envelope, right? I would say it was good as an overall album but missing hits. It would be cool to have more emotional resonance too..” 

Lan Zhan stared implacably back at him while he delivered this speech. When Wei Wuxian finished he shifted his focus forward again not looking ruffled in the least. Mouth pursed ever so slightly, long black hair pulled back into a braid that fell halfway down his back. Wei Wuxian suddenly feels the inexplicable urge to either laugh uncontrollably or to ruffle Lan Wangji’s hair to break the immaculate picture. 

The doors of the elevator open and they both step out.

“Ah...Lan Wangji please don’t hate me for being open about my opinions? I’m never good at having much of a filter…” 

Before he can get a response Lan Wangji opens the door to a brightly lit corner office with high ceilings. A man, slightly older than Lan Wangji, but with the same straight black brows and smooth face straightens up to look at them. The men were alike in almost every way, with the notable difference of expression. While Lan Wangji gave almost no expression, his older brother’s face held a small but undeniable grin. 

“Wei Wuxian, so glad you are here. Please sit down. Thank you for bringing him up Lan Zhan.” Lan Xichen gestures to a dark blue velvet chair in front of his desk. Wei Wuxian briefly glances at the younger brother to see what he will do before making his way to the seat and arranging himself comfortably. He glances at the water in a large pitcher at the side of the table. 90 degree summers and hangovers don’t mix.

“Lan Zhan --could you wait nearby? I would like to talk to you after the meeting. Mr. Wei please help yourself to the water.” The last was said with that tiny secretive smile again. Wei Wuxian wonders what could have happened to make the brothers so night and day. He gives Lan Xichen an appreciative smile and starts to pour a glass. 

Lan Zhan, as Wei Wuxian decides to call him privately, gives his brother a smile of his own. Face visibly softening. He nods towards Wei Wuxian, choosing to ignore their previous conversation and turns to leave.

“I’ll see you soon brother.”

“Perfect” Lan Xichen inclines his head and then turns back towards Wei Wuxian. The door closes behind Lan Zhan. 

“So, I am sure you are wondering what we are holding this meeting for. I’m sorry to keep you in suspense, I don’t like any of my private emails being leaked when it comes to talent.” Lan Xichen’s face grows serious. 

Wei Wuxian nods, he suspects why Cultivation Records had contacted him, but he doesn’t want to get too hopeful about the specifics.

“We want to offer you a record deal, we would like to sign you as talent--as I’m sure you have already guessed.” 

Wei Wuxian can’t control the grin breaking across his face. He had known, of course he’d known, but this was really it. This was his opportunity to really make his own music with the money and backing he wanted. This was recognition that would land him opportunities to play nationally, even internationally. He is flippant a lot of the time, but this was something that really mattered.

“Thank you-- this is, I don’t really know what to say that is..”

Lan Xichen holds up his hand.

“Before you get too excited I want to talk about the terms. This might seem unusual, but I want you to hear me out.”

Lan Xichen was an unflappable looking man, but for a second he looked down, slowly rolled up the sleeves of his button down and clasped his hands together as if giving himself time.

“I think you should join The Six. Help them create an amazing next album and use their exposure and experience to help you boost your own.” He says this and then sits back in his chair to survey Wei Wuxian’s reaction.

Wei Wuxian is floored. The Six. Lan Zhan’s band. The band that had the most anticipated debut rock album of the past ten years. The Six has been described as the next Florence + the Machine but with a male vocalist, a dancier version of the XX with more grit than Lana Del Rey. The darlings of the indie rock revival. They had generated so much hype on their first album, which could be partially attributed to the good looks of its members, that avoiding conversations about them meant you had to turn off your radio and TV altogether. That had been four years ago. 

Their first album did deliver. It had a couple of hits but was sometimes critiqued as non-cohesive. It was a solid first attempt, and was rightly touted as such. Fans still clamoured for content and coverage of the stars. Part of the band's appeal was its sheer star power and the intrigue surrounding the lead singer, Lan Zhan. 

Their sophomore album had done markedly worse. The band had taken the critiques to heart and seemed obsessed with making an album that was solid through and through. Now they had an album that critics would love but that lacked the soul that had attracted fans to the band. The album was technically proficient but in the words of some of the nastier critics, “emotionally void”. Despite all this, the band still had a huge following and continued to have the support of Cultivation Records. 

Wei Wuxian tried to imagine what he wanted. He had been solo up to this point in his career and he didn’t know what it would be like to work collaboratively on an album. Is this the sound he wanted? Is this the image he wanted? His instincts balked at the idea of taking direction from anybody. Of compromising. He was absolutely terrible at compromising.

On the other hand this was the opportunity being offered to him. He hadn’t realized how much he wanted it until it was right in front of him. This would give him the chance to write his songs, to get the platform and exposure he wanted. This would add legitimacy to his work 

He remembers Lan Zhan’s cold face as they rode up the elevator. 

“I don’t think your brother will be too excited with me joining The Six” He states.

“Let me work on that. He might surprise you.” A small smile begins forming on Lan Xichen’s face.

“I doubt he’s the type of person who can be surprising.” Wei Wuxian says, shaking his head. 

At this Lan Xichen outright laughs. 

“Nevermind what he wants, what do you want? For yourself? We have the money and the connections to make that real for you.” 

Wei pauses, then he says in a rush. “I do want this, and I think it would be interesting working with a band, maybe more creative and more of a challenge. I want the opportunity to write my own songs.”

Lan Xichen nods. 

“I know this isn’t probably what you expected when you came here. But I can imagine this being an amazing partnership--for all parties.” 

Wei Wuxian blows out a breath and slumps back in his chair. “I’m excited and I think I need a drink.” 

Lan Xichen laughs. “Don’t get overwhelmed already, you haven’t met all of them yet.” Nevertheless, he points to a silver filigree liquor cabinet in the corner of the room. 

“Take what you want. Production companies know who their talent is.” He winks. Wei Wuxian pours a healthy looking glass of whiskey and meanders back over to Lan Xichen.

“Right now this is informal, I still need to talk to Lan Zhan about this. In fact, I’m going to call him in here now if you don’t mind. Talk to him about all this. He knew I was thinking of bringing someone on, he just didn’t know who.”

Lan Xichen looks pointedly at Wei Wuxian. “In the meantime let me show you to the staff cafe on the top floor.” 

Wei Wuxian can take a hint and he doesn’t want to be anywhere near Lan Zhan when he finds out the news. They walk to the elevator outside and Lan Xichen hits the button. 

“Why didn’t you ask him first?” Wei Wuxian queries. The ‘him’ in question being obvious. 

“Hmmmm…” Lan Xichen quirks his head to the side for a second in thought, then glances over at Wei Wuxian. 

“Let’s just say that this is a good idea. I didn’t want the process to be stymied even before I could ask you if you were in or out.”

“And what if  _ he  _ wants me out?”

“He won’t”’ Lan Xichen says, a small smile returning to his face. “Make a right out the door on the 20th floor. You won’t be upset by the view.”

With that the elevator doors shut on Wei Wuxian

~~~

Lan Zhan wasn’t far away when he got the call. He had stepped outside and was sipping an ice tea he’d bought at a Starbucks near the building.

He quickly made his way back and is now standing next to his brother looking out the window of his 17th floor office. The view is a complex layer of skyscrapers and the air has the faint brown smog that comes with hot New York summers.

Lan Xichen turns to him. 

“I’ve been thinking about what direction the band should go in, I’ve given it a lot of thought actually...” He trails off.

Lan Zhan looks back at him, gaze unwavering. He knows things have not been the best after their most recent release and it irks him. He will never apologize for the work though. He is not one to complain about his setbacks, or to let emotions color his voice and actions. He likes to think that as an artist, he has done the right thing with the most recent album. It is a technically brilliant album, with everyone doing their finest work. It had appealed to critics who had once scorned them for being half-baked in their delivery. Still. It hadn’t been enough. Or maybe it had been too much in one direction.

“What are your thoughts on the direction the band is going?” asks Lan Xichen. Then he pauses for a long time waiting for Lan Zhan to speak. He knows better than anyone not to rush Lan Zhan.

“I know we worked hard. We took the criticism, we addressed it.” Another pause.

“With right action, good work will follow.” Lan Zhan finally says, looking down.

Lan Xichen smiles. He turns back to gaze out the window.

“Generally, I think that is true. That is what I would tell most young musicians starting out. But that isn’t you anymore. You  _ are  _ technically proficient, the entire band is.” 

He turns to face Lan Zhan.

“What the band needs is a reinvention. You need a new  _ feeling _ , a fresh look. Something...dangerous..with an edge. I think Wei Wuxian would be perfect for this.”

“You’re suggesting…?”

“I’m suggesting Wei Wuxian join the band. As a full member.”

Lan Zhan feels his stomach drop for a brief second. He tries to school his facial expression into something more regular. Wei Wuxian. He only knows him from internet hype and word of mouth. A good artist, who has the potential to be great. However, from what he has seen online and in the tabloids Wei Wuxian lacks discipline. He is frequently caught coming out of nightclubs in the early morning either being supported or supporting a friend. There are various rumors of different girlfriends, alcohol and drug abuse. All things that Lan Zhan absolutely loathes to be around. 

Still… Lan Zhan remembers clicking on the youtube link sent to him of Wei Wuxian’s recent single. It was just a cover, but  _ the voice _ the man had on him spoke for itself. It wasn’t just a good voice, it had that grit that made you feel like you were staring into someone’s soul. It compelled you to listen, and listen again. To listen when you didn’t want to feel anything and to listen when you wanted to feel too much. He had listened to it himself at least ten times although he would never admit to it. 

Lan Xichen was still staring. 

“So what do you think?”

In that moment Lan Zhan knew, knew that his brother realized he had already won the battle. The small smile on Lan Xichen’s lips told him as much. 

“He doesn’t have the necessary experience.” says Lan Zhan. 

“That’s what the band is for, what you are for. You have enough experience to shore him up.” 

“He’s reckless. He could lead to a bad image.”

“Just as easily as he could be the exact revamp you need. You guys are too safe right now and you know it.” 

“He could self-destruct.”

Lan Xichen shakes his head. “That’s for me and Jin Gaungyaou to deal with. And I don’t think he will.” 

Lan Zhan lapses into silence. 

Lan Xichen stares at him a little too knowingly. Lan Zhan refuses to make eye contact. What was he looking for anyway? Lan Zhan is not about to admit that accepting someone so...unsettling... is something he will willingly cosign. Maybe Wei Wuxian has a good voice, a spectacular voice even. He also has magnetism, but that doesn’t mean that he won’t sabotage everything Lan Zhan has worked for. 

“I don’t think I need to state all the pros to this situation do I?”

Lan Zhan lets out a small breath of annoyance. Despite all his better instincts he shakes his head.

Lan Xichen smiles and turns away from the window.

“Good, it’s settled then. Should I invite Wei Wuxian downstairs to celebrate? He’s at the rooftop cafe right now.” 

“I’ve got it. “ Lan Zhan’s feet move towards the door pulled by the tide of inevitability. 

“Alright, I expect to see both of you intact later. Why don’t you take him out somewhere? Get to know each other. Be nice.”

Lan Zhan grits his teeth in annoyance but nods all the same. He is met with a reassuring smile from his brother as he leaves. 

~~~

‘Lan Xichen truly was not lying about the view.’ thinks Wei Wuxian as he stares out from the bench he is currently sprawled across. His whiskey glass is lying next to his outstretched hand, half gone already. 

He is in a small outdoor pavilion connecting to the corporate cafe on top of Cultivation Records. He ordered a small iced coffee to go so as to not seem rude and is currently nursing that alongside his liquor. He feels content, the buzz of the liquor helping steady his hangover. The outdoor grass is made of fake turf where he is, the roof is dotted with potted plants. The space is halfway between tacky luxury building and corporate boardroom, but the view truly is spectacular. 

He uses his front face camera to check himself out for any signs of dishevelment. He stayed out last night only getting into his apartment at three am. He had come home still drunk and tired, his hair plastered with sweat from dancing. The only strength he had was to drink a glass of water with a handful of salt (one of his more ingenious tricks), and close his blackout curtains. He’d set the alarm for eleven AM so he would have enough time to shower and get ready for the meeting, but unsurprisingly he had snoozed it three times. Now he is here, at his important meeting, looking like a mess. ‘At least a hot mess’ his inner voice supplies. 

“Wei Wuxian.”

Wei Wuxian yelps and manages to simultaneously drop his phone on his face and kick his ice coffee over. 

“Ahh...sorry. You totally surprised me.” He cranes his neck to look up at the culprit. An unamused Lan Zhan stares back at him.

“Lan Wangji! You should be more polite! Didn’t anyone teach you to not sneak up on someone when they’re hungover?” Wei Wuxian’s attempt at self-effacing humor falls totally flat. If anything he feels like the miniscule frown on Lan Wangji’s face deepens. 

“My brother told me you would be…” Lan Wangji struggles for a second with the wording. “Joining the band. I thought I could show you around. We could...talk.”

Wei Wuxian doesn’t know if anyone had ever received a less enthusiastic welcome party. That doesn’t stop him from turning on his smarmiest grin as he sits and grabs the remainder of his whiskey.

“I’m sorry you have nothing to cheers with Lan Wangji, but I do think this calls for a toast. I’ll buy you one later when we go out, don’t worry.” He holds up the glass so it catches the light bouncing off the neighboring skyscrapers.

“To Lan Wangji and his sacrifice! I hope I can learn a lot and I hope that you can learn something from me as well.” Wei Wuxian kicks the drink back. He peeks out from under his sunglasses at Lan Zhan’s reaction to this proclamation. He is expecting a reprimand for his midday drinking but instead he gets:

“Don’t call me that.”

“What, Lan Wangji?” Wei Wuxian’s eyebrows lift in surprise. He laughs.

“What can I call you then...what the tabloids call you? Hanguang-Jun?” Lan Zhan looks even more annoyed at that suggestion as though he can’t bear thinking what the tabloids might call him.

“Hmmmm...I could call you...Lan Zhan?” Wei Wuxian feels a little surprised at his own audacity but the glass of whiskey is certainly helping. 

“Shameless.” Mutters Lan Zhan but he is starting to turn away as if deciding this is a battle he doesn’t particularly want to wage.

“Ah wait Lan Zhan, aren’t you supposed to be showing me around?” Wei Wuxian quickly hops up and scoops his glass to carry off the roof. He takes long steps to try to catch up with Lan Zhan. 

Lan Zhan checks his phone and then turns to Wei Wuxian. 

“We are going to one of my favorite Japanese restaurants, they should have a spot for us in the back.” With that he walks into the elevator waiting for Wei Wuxian to follow.

~~~`

**Grace** @LANDADDY 

!!! Wei !!! Wuxian !!! spotted outside Cultivation Records with someone who looks SUSPICIOUSLY LIKE my mans Lan Wangji!! He can’t hide that beauty from me, even under a baseball cap!!!

Check it out: Dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-23789

#lanwanji #weiwuxian

**JamieIsOkay** @CatPlantLady

@LANDADDY BRO. tHE Hotness. I’ve been waiting for this day all my life. Or at least the past year. Combine these two and I might spontaneously combust. #weiwuxian #wwx #thesix 

Kiara @WeiNotNow

@LANDADDY @CatPlantLady OMMGGGGGGGG. I’m too excited. Eyeball emojis every damn where. But why are they meeting??? Is Wei Wuxian going to feature on a track? #weiwuxian #lanwanji #thesix #cultivationrecords

  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs for this chapter  
> Chicago Freestyle-Drake Wei Wuxian's non-rap cover  
> Born to Die- Lana Del Rey (sound inspiration for The Six's first album)  
> Ultraviolence (the album)- inspiration for the Six's second album
> 
> Vibes:  
> Wake Me- The Bleachers


	2. Sky Full of Song

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: alcohol, mentions of past substance abuse 
> 
> Note on Lan Zhan's characterization-- I've made him talk a bit more because it seems more realistic for the modern era (IMO)
> 
> Notes on characters ages: WWX is 24/25 as is JC, LWJ is 25/26 in this. 
> 
> I've plotted out the scenes so I have a basic idea on the total length but that may be subject to change. I'm currently halfway through the next chapter, but I'm going away this weekend so it will probably be updated next week unless I can get it out sooner.

The trendy Japanese restaurant Lan Zhan leads Wei Wuxian to isn’t his usual style. Hotpot, spicy Chinese or Carribean are more up his alley. Despite this, he can’t help but admire the restaurant’s dark, wooden interior and the ambient noise of trickling water coming from the indoor pond.

They are led by the hostess down a spiral staircase opening into a long hall. At the end of the hall is a room partitioned off with dark blue hangings. This is clearly the area given to the famous and wealthy when they want to avoid eating in front of their admiring public. Wei Wuxian is appreciative for the anonymity if nothing else.

After she leaves, silence descends on the room. Lan Zhan appears comfortable just looking at the menu and not saying anything. Wei Wuxian, being who he is, fidgets.

After a minute Lan Zhan looks up abruptly and states, “We should order the lunch sampler platter, two of those. And some edamame to start.”

“Lan Zhan you’re so decisive, what if I want something else?” Wei Wuxian feels a bit taken aback but easily slips into a teasing tone.

Lan Zhan furrows his brow and nods.

“What would you like?”

“Hm..do they have anything spicey?” Queries Wei Wuxian. He could die for some extra spicey drunken noodles right now.

Lan Zhan looks a bit put out by this request and starts searching through the menu before he is saved by the waitress arriving. She quickly points Wei Wuxian to the restaurant’s udon bowl which she guarantees they can put hot chilli pepper oil in.

Wei Wuxian decides to break the silence and get to business. He knows if he doesn’t assert himself he may get stuck fighting for any autonomy on the album because Lan Zhan seems like he’s used to getting his way. Afterall, when he was interviewed on the first album it appeared that most of the songs were written by him with very little input from the other members of The Six. The second album was a bit better. Lan Zhan acknowledged in interviews that the album had more collaboration from the other members with him only editing the final tracks. Still, being heir to the Lan music dynasty probably didn’t teach him anything about sharing creative control or power.

“I have some ideas for songs. I know it might seem early, but I want you to know that I want to write songs for the band--not just sing them.” states Wei Wuxian.

Lan Zhan lifts his eyebrows slightly. Wei Wuxian takes that as a sign to go on.

“I usually put my songs in a notebook, but I left that at home. I have a few I wrote down on my phone-- want to check them out?”

Wei Wuxian opens his notes app and slides his phone over to Lan Wangji who simply stares at it but doesn’t pick it up.

Wei Wuxian knows he is being pushy but he doesn’t really care. How else is he going to wedge his way into an already formed band that has two albums out?

Lan Zhan has yet to pick the phone up.

“Well? Why don’t you take a look?”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea. You haven’t even met everyone else yet. I also have songs that I already wrote.” Says Lan Zhan in flat refusal.

Wei Wuxian purses his lip. This guy won’t even scroll through any of the songs? Is he for real? What is Wei Wuxian supposed to contribute if not this?

“You won’t even look at them?”

The food arrives, giving Wei Wuxian a chance to collect himself. He doesn’t usually get angry and takes things as they come, but this is like running his head at a brick wall. He looks over at Lan Zhan, who still looks obnoxiously put together. His plain white t-shirt is immaculate. Wei Wuxian only wears dark clothing because he knows he is the type of person to get them dirty the second he eats.

The plates are lined up in front of them, Lan Zhan takes a delicate bite of his sashimi, chews and swallows.

“I think it's best to talk about what we want to do creatively once we get to the studio. Not now.”

“So what are we doing here then?” Wei Wuxian throws up his hands in frustration.

“Getting to know each other.” says Lan Zhan while looking like that is exactly the last thing he wants to do.

“Well you’re doing a great job of it! I can tell you’re really interested in me!” Wei Wuxian says with an eye roll.

Lan Zhan gets a constipated look on his face and after a brief pause asks:

“Where are you from?”

“Ahhh, this is one I thought you would definitely know the answer to Lan Zhan, you need to do your tabloid homework better!” Wei Wuxian shakes his head in mock disappointment. He’s annoyed but he’s willing to throw Lan Zhan a bone.

“I was adopted by the Jiangs when I was five. I grew up in NYC but we spent a lot of time in the Jiang’s second home in California. Loved it there of course, if my family wasn’t here I would be in California. The weather’s better...everything is more relaxed.”

Lan Zhan stares at Wei Wuxian intently but remains silent.

“This is where you ask me a follow up question or tell me something about yourself.” Says Wei Wuxian as he thinks ‘This conversation is going absolutely nowhere.’

“I grew up in upstate NY when I was younger.” Lan Zhan says slowly and pauses. Then, “I thought about moving to LA of course, for music, but my family is here.” He lapses into silence but Wei Wuxian feels encouraged by Lan Zhan’s forthcomingness. For Lan Zhan those two sentences were practically a monologue.

“It’s strange that we’ve never run into each other. We’ve both been in the NYC music scene for so long.” Muses Wei Wuxian.

Lan Zhan shrugs. “We’ve met now.” Apparently giving it no further thought.

“True, true.” Wei Wuxian swirls his water wishing for something a bit stronger given the dullness of the conversation.

“I think if you are going to be part of The Six you should consider cutting down on your drinking” Says Lan Zhan practically reading Wei Wuxian’s mind. Wei Wuxian feels a hot burst of anger. ‘The audacity of this guy--he doesn’t even know me.’

“Hmm...how about, you take some of my suggestions about the music and I’ll start taking some of your suggestions about my personal life.” He shoots back. This ‘getting to know you’ is going nowhere. It's time for him to get out of here and collect himself.

Lan Zhan stares at him and Wei Wuxian refuses to make eye contact. He’s not going to acknowledge what that prude said, and he’s definitely not going to agree to anything of the sort. What does Lan Zhan know about his drinking, about his past? Nothing.

Blessedly just then the check arrives. Wei Wuxian must have missed Lan Zhan flagging down the waitress. Sneaky bastard.

Wei Wuxian almost slaps his card down but Lan Zhan shakes his head.

“It’s on Cultivation Records...I’ve already cleared it with my brother.”

“Fine.” Wei Wuxian stands up.

“My brother wanted us back---”

Wei Wuxian cuts him off. “I have something to do now. I’ll send him an email.” He doesn’t have anything right now, but he absolutely has to get away from Lan Zhan’s obnoxious face.

“I guess this is the end of our necessary pleasantries then. I’ll see you around.” He quickly turns on his heel, not taking the time to look at Lan Zhan’s face.

~~~

Wei Wuxian shoots an email to Lan Xichen to try and be a bit professional despite his earlier outburst at lunch.

_Hi Lan Xichen,_

_Had lunch. Thanks so much for covering and for the meeting. I think we should touch base later about what Lan Wangji wants. Let me know when I should come in. So excited though!!!!_

_WWX_

He grabs an uber home and the minute he makes it into his recently renovated studio slumps onto his couch. Why? Why did that have to be so difficult? It’s hard to remember that just earlier that day he’d been higher than anything, flush with success.

He groans. ‘And I forgot to get groceries...thank god I’m going over to shijie’s later.’

He looks around at the sorry state of his apartment. The bed is pushed up to the window to get the most light, clothing tossed haphazardly across it. The kitchenette, closer to the door, is not very clean and also totally void of food.

‘I really have got to stay home this weekend so I can do chores.’

He walks up to a notepad held by a magnet on the fridge. He prepares to write a list of chores on the note only to realize it already has the exact same tasks listed from the last time he decided it was time to do chores.

_Groceries!!!_  
_Put clothes away :(((_  
_Laundry_  
_Buy spray bottle for sad plant :(_

He sighs. He probably wrote this note last week. Nothing is checked off.  
He decides to run himself a shower to get ready to go over to Yanli’s. Before stepping into the shower he looks at his phone.

2 new messages

‘A-Xian, why haven’t you texted me with an update? I need to know what bottle of champagne to buy for tonight. <3’-Yanli

‘Jiang Cheng is coming over too! See you at 7!”

Wei Wuxian replies

‘Everything went great! I’ll tell you more when I get there. Tell Jiang Cheng it’s his turn to bring the alcohol ^_^’ -WWX

He steps into the shower and lets the hot water release some of the tension from the day. Despite doing everything in his power to clear his mind, his brain keeps conjuring up the image of two golden eyes under thick straight brows.

~~~

Wei Wuxian arrives only five minutes late, which he’ll count as a win. He walks past the doorman and up to Yanli’s apartment on the sixth floor.

Throughout all of high school and college she lived with the Jiang’s in the Upper West Side brownstown they grew up in. After she graduated Jiang Fengmian convinced her she needed her own space and that he and Yu Ziyuan would make do with her five minutes away. Since that day five years ago Yanli remained in an UWS apartment nowhere near her work, insisting that she has everything she needs as long as she can see her A-Xian and A-Cheng.

Wei Wuxian walks inside after finding the door already unlocked. The place is just as he remembers it. All white and beige, softly carpeted except for the kitchen with its gleaming wood floor, immaculate even with how frequently Yanli cooks.

“Yanli-- it smells amazing as always” He calls from the doorway, toeing his shoes off.

“A-Xian, you can’t tell me it smells amazing every time.” Yanli says smiling as he walks into the kitchen.

“I’ll stop saying it smells amazing when it stops smelling amazing.” laughs Wei Wuxian. They’ve repeated this back and forth many times, but it never gets old for Wei Wuxian. Especially considering there was a time he wasn’t there for Yanli.

“Quit distracting her so we can eat sooner.”

Wei Wuxian looks up to see a cross looking Jiang Cheng lounging on the couch.

“So you’ve been here this whole time not helping our poor sister?” Teases Wei Wuxian. He sneaks around Yanli and grabs some beers from where he knows she keeps them in the fridge. He then walks over to the couch and tosses one to Jiang Cheng.

Jiang Cheng accepts the beer and gives an annoyed look to Wei Wuxian.

“I don’t see you helping either.”

“Ah, true I’ll go over there right now I think this could use my magic touch!~~” Wei Wuxian pretends to stand but Jiang Cheng throws a pillow at him.

“On second thought I still want to be able to feel my stomach by the end of the night, your ‘magic touch’ could send me to the ER.”

Wei Wuxian laughs in response.

Yanli makes her way over with a bag of chips. “You guys could both help by eating some of the snacks in my apartment and settling down. I can’t cook with the two of you fighting.”

Wei Wuxian mimes zipping his lips and dives into the bag of chips before handing it to Jiang Cheng.

“How are things with the band these days?” He asks. This isn’t exactly unfraught territory, but it’s been years since he left the band and Wei Wuxian thinks he’s entitled to ask a simple question. If Jiang Cheng is surprised or annoyed by the question he masks it well.

“Good, Ouyang thinks it's time for us to start touring again.”

Wei Wuxian can’t help but roll his eyes. “About time...that man isn’t getting any younger.”

Wei Wuxian doesn’t wish the band any ill will but he does find Ouyang and Yao obnoxious on a personal level. He’s not exactly sure how Jiang Cheng can stand them, but he supposes like has to put up with like.

Jiang Cheng snorts. “I agree, at some point he’s going to want to stay at home with his kids. We might as well tour as much as we can before then.”

Ouyang was waiting on the birth of his second child which was going to make touring all the more difficult. The pop punk band, Purple Lighting, recently released its second album. In Wei Wuxian’s personal opinion they should try to ride that momentum with a tour as soon as possible to get the most out of the hype.

“What are you going to do when he wants to stay at home permanently?”

Jiang Cheng shrugs.

“I’m trying not to think about it. It’ll be a pain in my ass, but we can replace him.”

Which is true. The only person the band could truly not replace is Jiang Cheng himself as chief vocalist and songwriter.

Yanli calls them over to the drop leaf style table she has expanded.

“Ah Yanli-- this is heaven.” Wei Wuxian takes a deep breath of his sister’s pork rib soup.

Yanli smiles and all that can be heard for a while is the sounds of the three siblings eating.

“So...A-Xian, tell us how the meeting went.” says Yanli.

Wei Wuxian inhales and thinks about how to answer that question.

“They want to offer me a record deal.”

Yanli squeals and even Jiang Cheng cracks a smile that is some mixture of happiness and relief.

“I knew you could do it A-Xian! They had to recognize how good you are.” Yanli smiles and gets the prosecco out of the fridge and begins pouring them each a glass.

“Well yes, but they want for me to create the record with The Six.” Wei Wuxian says waiting for the news to sink in.

“Wait, what? What do you mean?” questions Jiang Cheng.

“They want me to join Lan Wangji’s band.”

Jiang Cheng’s eyes bug out. “As what, another vocalist? How would that even work?” The unspoken part being how would that work with the notoriously aloof lead singer.

“Honestly, I don’t know. I would be another vocalist, but I have no clue how we are going to write songs together.”

Yanli’s eyebrows furrow with worry. “You mean…?”

Wei Wuxian huffs with annoyance. “I met with Lan Wangji today to talk ideas….the meeting did not go over that well.”

Jiang Cheng starts to look a bit frustrated. “Wei Ying, try to get along with him. This is still a good opportunity.”

“And if you were in my shoes would you be saying the same?” Asks Wei Wuxian sardonically.

“You have to learn how to get along with people you can’t go your whole life….” Jiang Cheng trails off awkwardly as he realizes where the conversation is heading.

“My whole life, what?” says Wei Wuxian.

Yanli is looking back and forth between the two of them with a worried expression.

“You can’t just self destruct your whole life because you don’t like people! Learn to deal with him. Don’t act all high and mighty.” Jiang Cheng finally snaps.

Wei Wuxian let the words sink, taking perverse pleasure in the mixture of self loathing and anger they bring to the surface. It’s been years since Wei Wuxian left Purple Lighting but when Jiang Cheng and him fight the wound will reopens like it never went away. It was just sitting, festering, biding its time.

Wei Wuxian takes a long drink of the prosecco. He should say something to swing the conversation away from this direction, he should but--

“Well if he can keep up, then I won’t have to act ‘high and mighty’.” Wei Wuxian leans into the characterization instead. He could defend himself, but honestly where is the fun in that? He’d prefer to play the role of the asshole if that’s what Jiang Cheng wants to think of him.

“This is why you haven’t been able to take-off, get a record deal--” Jiang Cheng is in the full swing of his anger now, ready to rehash the whole tired argument but Yanli interrupts.

“A-Xian--” She looks at him with her cool, calming eyes. She’s always been able to center Wei Wuxian. “What do you want to do?”

Wei Wuxian knows what he wants to do, but telling it to Yanli, who he has never been able to lie to, really makes it true. He stuffs down his irritation at Jiang Cheng and himself and focuses on her.

“I’m going to do it-- I’m going to join the band.”

A smile breaks across Yanli’s face. She is still holding Wei Wuxian’s eyes like he is the only person in the world.

“Then you can do it.” As simple as that. Wei Wuxian feels as though a weight has been released from his shoulders temporarily. Yanli has put her faith in him, she thinks he can do it and so he will.

Jiang Cheng has quieted down from his outburst. He excuses himself to the bathroom and then they keep eating and shift the conversation to other things. Their parents' health, Yanli’s social work cases, Jiang Cheng’s latest girlfriend. The conversation goes steadily until Yanli starts yawning. Wei Wuxian decides it’s time to make his way home and both he and Jiang Cheng leave the apartment with promises to visit as soon as they can.

Jiang Cheng is about to make his way to a cross town bus so he can meet his girlfriend, but before he does he turns to Wei Wuxian who is waiting on his uber. Wei Wuxian braces himself for whatever scolding he is about to receive.

“Just make sure...if you commit to this, you don’t flake out this time. This isn’t college-- this is the real thing.” Jiang Cheng says this with a trace of bitterness in his voice. It's been years since Wei Wuxian left the band, but for Jiang Cheng the grievance is always simmering right below the surface.

Wei Wuxian, feeling tired, shrugs. He doesn’t want to defend himself, he just wants to go home.

“And if you are feeling like you might, like you might...be feeling out of control. You call me. Don’t be bringing that stuff to Yanli.”

Wei Wuxian winces. Leave it to Jiang Cheng to bring up the worst parts of his past. Thankfully his car pulls up so he doesn’t have to engage with Jiang Cheng anymore. He waves and gives Jiang Cheng the best smile he can.

“Don’t worry about me-- go have fun with your girlfriend.”

He relaxes into the seat and closes his eyes. The lights of the city dance and blur across the inside of his eyelids.

~~~

Before he makes his way home he gets the uber to drop him off at the bar next door to his apartment called The Rusty Nail. They don’t make a good drink, but they do make a mean drink, and that is exactly what he needs right now. His sunglasses disguise is going to look out of place at a bar so he pulls his signature hair up into a bun and hopes that the lack of the popularity of the bar will let him drink in peace.

He slides into his seat and motions to the bartender for a drink.

“What’ll it be?”

“Two shots of Evan Williams.” Wei Wuxian has never been a snob about his drinking preferences. He’ll drink any price point as long as it's good.

The bartender slides over the drinks and Wei Wuxian swallows them enjoying the burn as they slide down his throat.

“Oh you trying to get drunk, drunk, huh?” Asks a pretty girl with dark brown eyes and braids that snake down her back to just before her butt. She’s eyeing him appreciatively, but doesn’t seem to recognize him.

“One of those nights.” Wei Wuxian says.

“I see. I think I’m having one of those nights too.” She smiles at him and quickly orders two of the same from the bartender, matching him shot for shot.

Wei Wuxian isn’t trying to get laid tonight, he’s not even trying to flirt. He’s just trying to forget what Jiang Cheng made him remember, really. The girl, Ari, proves to be just as willing of a drinking buddy as a fuck buddy and after about six shots they are swapping sad stories.

“So this guy’ll. He doesnth even want you to help him with his, with his work?” She slurs.

“Naww...he just wants...all the credit, ya know? Some people have something up their asses ya know?” says Wei Wuxian. He is barely more coherent than Ari.

“He could probably use a...dick up his ass...he ended up with a stick insteadth” Wei Wuxian mumbles, the girl Ari breaks out into hysterical laughter, at which point the bartender decides it's a good idea to kick both of them out.

Outside the bar Ari turns to Wei Wuxian. With an extremely serious look on her face she grabs his cheeks.

“You just need to tell him you know?? Tell him that he has a stick up his ass and you guy’sth needs to work together, ya know what I mean?”

Wei Wuxian nods with her hands still cupped around his cheeks, squishing his mouth together.

“Promise me, ‘omise me. You’ll, you’ll…what was I saying?” She squints at him and removes her hands.

Wei Wuxian nods and with a sage expression says. “I promise to tell Lan Zhan he has a stick up his ass.”

A look of confusion crosses the girl’s face at the famous name, but it's gone in a second as she is struck with the need to vomit into the nearest trash can.

After that everything begins browning around the edges. Wei Wuxian remembers holding her hair and flagging a cab down. He remembers fumbling for his keys in the dark and then flopping onto his bed and opening a laptop.

Then he remembers nothing at all.

~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> song:  
> sky full of song -florence and the machine


	3. Milk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The ages of the characters are compressed. The youngest is Jin Ling who is 17. Lan Jingyi and Lan Sizhui are both 19. Wen Ning is 21, Wen Qing 25, Lan Zhan 25/26. 
> 
> The burn is slow in this one.

**Kiara** @WeiNotNow

WOW did that...did that  _ really _ just happen?

**JamieIsOkay** @CatPlantLady

Celebrities should absolutely not be in charge of their personal twitters, and should hire a publicist in case of drunken rants. In this essay I will--

**Hottestinthecity** @LanBiggestStan

@WeiNotNow that really did just happen. Now time to get the popcorn sit back and enjoy the shit show. 

**Kiara** @WeiNotNow

@LanBiggestStan I wonder how Lan Wangji is taking this??? LOL 

**Hottestinthecity** @LanBiggestStan

@WeiNotNow Ehhh..I feel like he’s not even really on the internet like that, but I’m sure he’s not happy.

~~~

Wei Wuxian is so comfortable, so happy. The bunny that’s hopping around his foot needs to be fed, but isn’t it so cute with its bright white fur and golden eyes? A second later all the chickens in the farm start making an awful racket, it sounds so terrible it's giving him a headache! He walks outside to give his golden eyed bunny some carrots and is met with a blinding light blazing directly into his retina.

“Ungggghhh” He groans. The bright midday light from outside rousing him from sleep. He squints up at the ceiling cracking one eye, then two. Realizing first that the inside of his mouth tastes like something furry took up residence and died and second that he desperately needs to go to the bathroom. 

He gets up, for a second the whole world sways and the light at the edges of his vision gets dark. He sits on the edge of the bed till he feels like he won’t faint from his hangover and then makes his way slowly to the bathroom.

Sitting on the toilet, head in hands, he groans.  _ ‘I’m never drinking again’ _ . He sits there for he doesn’t know how long before he pulls himself together and makes it to the kitchen. 

He pours himself a large glass of water and sprinkles a tiny bit of salt in it for the hangover. He then walks to the leather couch he’s owned since he moved into the apartment and plunks down in the well worn corner by the window. He knows food will make the situation better but he can’t bring himself to move and make himself anything yet. He then remembers that yesterday he wrote himself a note to get groceries. Which of course he hadn’t had time to get.

_ ‘Maybe Jiang Cheng is right, I do need a personal nanny.’  _ He internally berates himself.

The thought of Jiang Cheng brings back memories of the night before. The meeting that had gone over poorly with Lan Zhan, then Jiang Cheng's lack of faith in his ability to stay stable, and plea to keep Yanli out of whatever mess Wei Wuxian gets himself into. Wei Wuxian had told Jiang Cheng he had it under control, but then had promptly headed to a bar.

_ ‘He’ll be happy to know he’s right.’ _ Wei Wuxian thinks a touch bitterly.

Last night. He’d headed to the bar and then, then. Then what? The memories get hazy and as he tries to reach for them they slip further from his mind. He decides it's time to order some food to help with the hangover. 

Picking up his phone he realizes he must have turned it off last night. As he waits for it to boot up he imagines the huevos rancheros he is about to order from his favorite brunch spot, mouth already watering at the thought of all the side salsas he’s going to request.

Suddenly his phone dings and he’s stunned to see he has over 20 new messages and 10 missed calls. 

_ ‘Did someone die?’ _

He scrolls to the first message and begins reading. 

_ ‘You really did it this time, idiot--please check your twitter.’ -JC _

_ One missed call from Jiang Cheng _

_ ‘Pick up your phone please, Yanli is worried.’ -JC _

_ 2 missed calls from Yanli _

_ ‘A-Xian, pick up when you get this!’ -Yanli _

_ ‘A-Xian, I’m not mad but please I want to know if you’re ok. Give me a call, love you’ -Yanli _

He has two new texts from a number he doesn’t recognize, but he’s assuming it's the girl he met at the bar last night. He has a vague memory of big brown eyes and thick dark braids. 

_ ‘This is Ari, thanks for taking care of me last night, I owe you one.’  _

_ ‘Also, I hope that guy you were talking about listens to you. Let me know how it goes. :)’-Ari _

He scrolls through the rest of the messages feeling the sudden urge to puke. A combination of nerves and hangover swirling in the pit of his stomach. Some of the rest of them are from his friend Nie Huaisang whom he met a year or so ago at a party. Nie Huaisang is also in the music industry, and both love practical jokes and flaunting the rules. Soon the two were hanging out every week. 

_ ‘BRO, you’ve truly outdone yourself this time my friend’ -NHS _

_ ‘Like really, truly, I saw and died of laughter. Please you gotta share the details, what inspired this work of art?’-NHS _

With his gut clenched, Wei Wuxian opens his twitter. His top tweet has already generated 80 thousand likes and 12 thousand retweets. It reads:

**WWX** @TheRealWeiWuxian 

“Lan Zhan has a LAN STICK up his ass he needs help with. I’ve been kindly informed to inform you all”

His stomach drops. No. This CANNOT be happening. He sinks back onto the sofa and pulls the throw blanket all the way over his face. That’s it. There is no getting out of this one. He effectively ended any career he might have had at Cultivation Records before it even began. How can Lan Zhan and Lan Xichen forgive him for this one? Even if they did, the embarrassment by itself makes him want to curl up into a ball that will never see the light of day again. He can delete the tweet but there is no forgetting or forgiveness on the internet. He curls up into a ball on the sofa and pulls the throw blanket over his head. 

He’s not sure how long he lays there, but long enough that he is able to relax into the embrace of his hangover and fall into a fitful sleep when suddenly he hears a knock at the door. 

He rolls over trying to ignore it, but the knock continues loudly and insistently. Grumbling he wraps the blanket around himself in full burrito mode and shuffles to the door. He looks out the peephole and Nie Huaisang’s grinning face stares back at him. Feeling both grumpy and put upon he yanks open the door.

“To what do I deserve the honor?” He says cocking one hip to the side and crossing his arms over his chest.

Nie Huaisang ignores him and elbows his way into the apartment. 

“Good god, Wei Ying, you really need some help with your personal decorating don’t you?” He calls over his shoulder. “The last time I was over you said you were going to do something about your organizational system.”

Wei Wuxian groans and shuts the door.

“Unless you came over here to bring me food I don’t want to hear any complaining from you. Today is not my day.” 

“First of all: absolutely correct today is NOT your day. Secondly, say ‘thank you Nie Huaisang’ for being the best, most caring best friend ever and bringing you food.” With a flourish he unveils a take away container from inside a tote bag he is carrying.

Wei Wuxian instantly perks up and grabs the bag to bring over to the couch.

“Ah you’re exactly right! Everything is forgiven~~” He opens it up and Nie Huaisang sits down on the other end of the couch.

He unloads a chocolate muffin and two everything bagels smeared with cream cheese.

As he takes a large bite of his bagel, which he keeps carefully nestled in the tin foil to keep from making a mess, Nie Huaisang kicks his legs up on the coffee table and folds his arms. Wei Wuxian sighs in contentment and closes his eyes as the salt and fat begin working on his hangover. 

“So…..do you want me to bring it up or are you going to?” Nie Huaisang smirks.

Wei Wuxian groans. “I’ve made up my mind. I’m just going to quit music and become a hermit.”

Nie Huaisang laughs. “But then where will all your desperate fans go for their daily dose of drama?”

“They are going to have to go somewhere else, because this time I have to agree with Jiang Cheng, I really went too far.” says Wei Wuxian.

“Hmmm...I wonder. Has Lan Wangji responded yet?” Asks Nie Huaisang.

“I’m not sure.” Wei Wuxian says with defeat. He hadn’t even thought to look at Lan Zhan’s twitter handle.

Nie Huaisang sighs dramatically and holds out his hand. “Phone please.” He demands.

Wei Wuxian unlocks his iphone and tosses it to him. 

“I can see you’re too close to this, I’ll do some digging.” Nie Huaisang says with a flourish. 

Wei Wuxian sits and silently ploughs through his bagel as Nie Huaisang checks his various messaging apps. Finally, Nie Huaisang looks up. 

“I don’t see any DMs from him or from anyone at Cultivation Records.” 

“Probably because he's planning to never talk to me again.” says Wei Wuxian. 

Nie Huaisang ignores him and keeps scrolling until he lets out a little gasp. “Oh!!!!”

Wei Wuxian looks up. “What? What is it?”

Instead of responding Nie Huaisang begins to laugh so hard his shoulders shake. He falls onto the arm of the couch breathless. Wei Wuxian snatches his phone out of his loose grip and looks at the open twitter page.

**CultivationRecords** @CultivationRecords

@TheRealWeiWuxian Rumour has it that Lan Wangji may need some medical attention! No worries he’s feeling fully recovered and ready to start working on #thesix latest album :)

Embedded in the tweet is a picture of Lan Wangji shot from someone else’s phone. He isn’t fully smiling, but one wouldn’t say he’s frowning either. In one of his hands is a starbucks ice tea and the other is flashing a peace sign. Dread forms at the pit of Wei Wuxian’s stomach. 

“Oh my goooooodd. No this is even worse! This leaves me in suspense. What do I dooooo~~~” He’s in full whining mode.

Nie Huaisang wipes tears from his eye with one hand. 

“Honestly, what would you do without me?”

Wei Wuxian pouts. “If you had this much riding on it you would be freaking out too.”

Nie Huaisang looks at him with one eyebrow raised. “You haven’t told me--what’s exactly riding on this?”

So Wei Wuxian tells him the whole story. How the meeting at Cultivation Records went, Lan Xichen’s proposal to join the band, Lan Zhan’s icy then controlling demeanor, their terrible lunch date, getting drunk at the bar and becoming convinced he needs to publicly declare war. The only part he leaves out is the specifics of his fight with Jiang Cheng that led to his journey to the bar in the first place. 

“Honestly, Wei Wuxian for the amount of messes you get into you are the luckiest person I know. It's almost unbelievable.” says Nie Huaisang fondly. 

“Agggh.” Wines Wei Wuxian. “What do I do?”

“First, I think you should respond on Twitter. Something funny. Then you should call up Lan Xichen and apologize.” 

“And what about Lan Zhan?” says Wei Wuxian. Nie Huaisang appears unphased by Wei Wuxian’s use of Lan Zhan’s informal name.

“Get a read from Lan Xichen and go from there. The man is his brother, I’m sure he’ll have some advice. 

An hour later after more whining from Wei Wuxian, a couple of games of Super Smash and a trip to the bodega for coffee the two have crafted what Wei Wuxian thinks is a satisfactory response. 

**WWX** @TheRealWeiWuxian

@CultivationRecords so glad Lan Wangji has made a full recovery- If he ever needs any future advice he can call on doctor Wei! 

Attached to the tweet they take a picture of Wei Wuxian holding a thermometer in one hand while wearing a surgical mask and a makeshift scrub cap in the form of a showercap. 

Nie Huaisang decides it's time for him to take a break and turns on the TV to the news while Wei Wuxian gathers up his nerves to call Lan Xichen. He wanders into the other room to give himself some privacy.

He hits the call button and the phone rings three times before it’s picked up. He hears Lan Xichen’s voice over the phone asking someone else to give him a minute. Then he’s back on the line.

“Good to hear from you.” Lan Xichen says. Wei Wuxian tries to pick up on his tone but Lan Xichen’s voice only sounds polite.

“I called to say that I’m sorry for my tweet last night. I uhh, I wasn’t totally sober when I sent that. Not that that's an excuse but yea.” He trails off lamely. 

“It’s fine.” says Lan Xichen.

“Really?” Wei Wuxian feels a bit incredulous.

“Yes really.” Lan Xichen finally laughs. “It generated some of the most engagement we’ve had for the band in months. Both your names are trending right now.”

“Oh.” Says Wei Wuxian not really knowing what to think of this. “Well that’s good I guess?” He asks.

“Certainly. Although when we announce that you are joining the band we are now going to want to do some extra promotion to make the two of you look like you’re getting along.” Says Lan Xichen.

“And are we?” The question is out of Wei Wuxian’s mouth before he can stop himself.

“Getting along?” Wei Wuxian can practically see Lan Xichen’s smile over the phone. Everyone just thinks this whole situation is hilarious.

“You’re going to have to ask him. Let’s have you over here on Thursday at 11 to meet with the band. You can talk to Wangji then.” Lan Xichen says with finality. 

Wei Wuxian hangs up the phone feeling both pleased and confused. That definitely went over better than he could have anticipated but he is still utterly mystified at what Lan Zhan’s thoughts on the situation are. He also didn’t receive any advice on how to talk to Lan Zhan. Now he’s stuck by himself to try and figure out a plan of action to make amends. 

“Wei Ying! Get back over so you can join the game!!” Calls Nie Huaisang from the other room having apparently begun a game of League. 

Wei Wuxian walks back into the living room and decides to put his worries to the back of his mind to think about later. 

~~~

Text conversation between Wei Wuxian and Yanli

_ ‘I’m ok Yanli’- WWX _

_ ‘I’m sorry I made you worry ;_;’-WWX _

_ ‘It’s ok, I just want to make sure everything is ok. Someone sent me the tweet.’- Yanli _

_ ‘Can we just pretend that never happened?’ -WWX _

_ ‘I’ll support you no matter what-- just know that I’m here to talk if you need me.”-Yanli _

_ ‘:)’-WWX _

~~~

For the next day and a half before the meeting Wei Wuxian does what he does best and distracts himself so he doesn’t have to think about Lan Zhan or meeting the other members of The Six.

He plays video games for a couple more hours with Nie Huaisang while waiting for his hangover to feel better. Then he takes another nap and wakes up feeling markedly more optimistic about the situation. He channels that energy into going to his apartment's gym. The gym was one of the reasons he moved into the Lower East Side luxury apartment in the first place. Besides the location, he enjoyed the anonymity the in-apartment amenities provided. 

After working out for an hour, and already feeling the residual ache from using his body, he takes time to tackle the mess waiting for him in his apartment. He spends the rest of the evening putting away piles of dark t-shirts and oversized hoodies. He sweeps and wipes down the surfaces in his kitchen and even gets started cleaning the drain in the shower that has become a graveyard for his long black hair. After several hours of this, only stopping to order some more takeout, he calls it a night and falls asleep exhausted physically and emotionally from the day. 

The next morning he decides it’s time to finally make his long-overdue grocery trip. He grabs a dark blue hoodie and a pair of track pants and briefly debates bringing his sunglasses before deciding to leave them. 

He makes his way out the apartment door and walks a block and a half to the Whole Foods on the corner of Houston. The space is brightly lit, with an industrial warehouse design, offset by its rustic looking sample stations. He wanders through the aisles grabbing necessities, and then in a moment of weakness, a number of frozen dishes.

He’s standing in front of the frozen desserts section debating buying an overpriced box of mochi ice cream when he hears giggling. Startled he looks up and sees two teenagers glancing over shyly from a couple of yards away. He colors briefly and moves to quickly walk away. He’s no stranger to people staring at him, even before he gained notoriety as an influencer he was subject to stares and people leaving their phone numbers on his receipts. However, right now all he wants to do is escape before they can question him about his embarrassing Twitter escapade. 

Apparently he isn’t fast enough because as he turns he feels a tug on the sleeve of his baggy hoodie. 

“Wei...Wei Wuxian..?” Asks the teenage girl. The girl is wearing a pair of overalls and two space buns crown her head. She blushes bright red and drops her hand, suddenly aware of what she is doing.

“Ah--SORRY-- I didn’t mean to grab you.” She now looks thoroughly embarrassed. The girl glances over at her friend, a boy with bleached blond hair, for help. The boy looks slightly star struck and says nothing. 

Wei Wuxian decides to take pity on her. “That’s fine. What can I do for you?”

The girl looks a little awed but she asks him if she can take a selfie. The three of them huddle up and she snaps a picture, Wei Wuxian’s hoodie still pulled up over his head. 

Then the boy turns to him right as Wei Wuxian is about to leave. 

“I just want to know--is there anything happening between you and Lan Wangji?” The words come out in practically one breath. The boy's face is bright red and he looks a little shocked at what he just asked. The girl elbows him in the side and starts tugging on his arm to get him to go, but he stands his ground looking over at Wei Wuxian. 

Wei Wuxian’s face burns. He probably should just start doing grocery delivery at this point if he is going to be embarrassed every time he leaves his front door. He hadn’t really prepared an answer to this question so he gives a response he realizes he is going to regret as soon as the words leave his lips.

“I can’t speak about that. Keep your eye on any statements coming from my Twitter the next few days.”

The boy’s eyes widen with excitement and Wei Wuxian leaves the grocery store realizing he had given a bit too much away.

~~~

Later that evening Nie Huaisang is laughing at him over the phone.

“Are you kidding me? That kid probably thinks you guys are dating now!” 

Wei Wuxian groans, “Ugh, I know, I know, I thought something had maybe been leaked about the meeting at Cultivation...I didn’t think he was asking about that…”

Nie Huaisang breaks into peals of laughter again. When he catches his breath he says, “Honestly Wei Wuxian you need someone to manage you or something. Coach you on this. That was so obviously not what he was asking.”

Wei Wuxian sighs, “There isn’t anything I can do now...when he sees the announcement that I’m joining the band rumours will die down.”

“Maybe. Or they might just ramp up even more.” Nie Huaisang says. Wei Wuxian can practically see his eyebrows waggling suggestively on the other end of the line. 

“Well everyone will have to be disappointed. Lan Zhan would rather murder me than date me.” He bemoans before hanging up the line.

~~~

**JamiesFave** @WeiBB

Guess who has a sweet tooth and shops at whole foods!!!<3~* #WWX 

@Starsandsprinkles 

_ Inserted is a picture of WWX with a hoodie pulled up, a boy with bleach blond hair with the roots growing out and a girl with brown hair pulled into space buns standing in front of the frozen desserts section of a grocery store. WWX’s shopping cart is in the background. _

**Kiara** @WeiNotNow

@JamiesFave AHHHHHHHH!!! I’m SO JEALOUS!!!! We love you WWX!! Also I love that he buys the same brand of Mochi I do!

#WWX #WeiWuxian

**Jojo** @Starsandsprinkles 

@WeiNotNow I know!!! We couldn’t believe it when we saw him. The wholefoods’ gods blessed us. Also we got to ask him about #lanwangji…...

**Kiara** @WeiNotNow

@Starsandsprinkles ?????oh yea?? What did he say……..? ...don’t keep us in suspense.

**Jojo** @Starsandsprinkles

@WeiNotNow He said we should expect an ~~AnNOuCMENT~ sometime soon. *winking emoji* 

#WWX #LWJ #LanWangji 

**Kiara** @WeiNotNow

@Starsandsprinkles I think i just had a heart attack. If u don’t hear from me i had a nice life. 

#isitlove? #LWJ #WWJ #MUCHEXCITE 

~~~`

Lan Zhan feels slight trepidation as he walks into Cultivation Records Thursday morning. Even though he is calmer than when he first heard about Wei Wuxain’s tweet from two days ago, he can’t help but feel nervous about their upcoming meeting. Lan Zhan prides himself on keeping his emotions, particularly his anger in check. The early years he spent going to family therapists, and learning meditation techniques, have helped him learn to compartmentalize. Still, when he saw Wei Wuxian’s tweet he felt a mixture of embarrassment and disappointment that sat with him through the rest of the day. 

He knows their lunch meeting did not go well. Nevertheless, he didn’t feel he deserved a public call out on Twitter. He’s aware that people call him a controlling prude behind his back, but he always felt his work made up for that. 

_ ‘Right action, good work will follow’  _ Is an expression he thinks of whenever he is critiqued for being too much of a work-aholic or too controlling. A therapist said those words to him during the early, tumultuous years of his life and he never forgot them. Those words were a touchstone to him during elementary and middle school when he desperately wanted to make it into the music industry, but had a constant, gnawing anxiety that he would never measure up. Remembering the expression grounded him when his mother’s choices, and his mother’s overwhelming artistic legacy, nipped at his heels, a constant reminder that he had to constantly strive to be better.

In the present he is brought to attention by the sound of Lan Sizhui’s voice asking him if everything's okay. The young guitarist is a prodigy, even by Lan standards, but he is still one of the sweetest and most polite people Lan Zhan knows.

“Hm, yes I’m fine thanks for asking.” He gives the younger man, really a teenager, a smile. 

Lan Sizhui smiles back and hands Lan Zhan a cup of recently brewed tea. He is the first to make it to the office and has already had time to start both the coffee machine and heat up water in the small kitchenette across the way. Lan Zhan tips his head in thanks.

“Thank you.”

“Of course.” Lan Sizhui smiles and makes his way over to a seat at the front of the room where he has already deposited his things. 

Lan Xichen broke the news of Wei Wuxian joining the band individually to the members between Monday and today. Each of them had slightly different reactions, but on the whole the reception was positive if a bit ambivalent. Lan Sizhui took the news in stride. 

“So we are meeting Wei Wuxian today, huh?” He looked over at Lan Zhan to gage his reaction.

“Hm. Yes.” Lan Zhan leaves it at that even though he suspects Lan Sizhui, and everyone else, is curious to ask how Lan Zhan feels after twittergate. Fortunately Lan Sizhui is too polite to bring it up and the two settle into comfortable silence. Lan Sizhui checking his phone and Lan Zhan sipping his tea and otherwise staring into space. 

The silence is broken by Jin Ling and Lan Jingyi walking in, the two sound like they are mid argument when they enter. Lan Zhan reflectively hushes them.

“Quiet, we’re at work now.” Says Lan Zhan. 

Jin Ling rolls his eyes and Lan Jingyi elbows him. They all technically hold equal membership in the band, but Lan Jingyi, Lan Sizhui and Jin Ling are the three youngest members and because of that they generally listen to Lan Zhan. 

Both of them quiet down a bit and go to grab coffee and tea from the kitchenette. Lan Zhan can hear their hushed voices still arguing as they walk into the other room. 

Finally the last two members of The Six walk in: siblings Wen Ning and Wen Qing. Wen Qing is put together as usual. Her short black hair is clipped back with red berets and there is minimal makeup on her face. She is wearing her usual combat boots, black jeans and a tucked in men’s button down. Her arms are laden with spiky looking bracelets. She looks beautiful and intimidating all at once. 

Wen Ning is more sedate in his style choices. He is wearing some well-loved blue jeans, a heather grey uniqlo t-shirt and his mid length hair is pulled into a tiny man bun. On his feet are a pair of grey crocs. 

Jin Ling walks back in and makes a retching noise. “I thought we told you to lose the crocs.”

“They’re too comfortable.” says Wen Ning and smiles apologetically. 

“They’re only comfortable if I don’t murder you for ruining our reputation by wearing them.” Grouses Jin Ling. 

Lan Zhan coughs under his breath to bring them to attention. Jin Ling quiets down and sits down near Lan Sizhui. Lan Jingyi meanders back into the room with his coffee as both Wen Ning and Wen Qing find their seats. 

“Wei Wuxian will be here soon. When he gets here we are supposed to welcome him, and give him an idea of what we are working on for the next album.” Says Lan Zhan. 

The rest are silent but Jin Ling. “But we have no clue what we want to do for the next album….?” He says with a hint of annoyance. 

“I have some ideas for general concepts…” Lan Jingyi says.

“Oh yea? This is the first time I’m hearing about that.” Jin Ling says angrily.

Wen Qing cuts in calmly. “Then we talk about what’s working and what’s not working when he gets here.”

Lan Zhan nods. “Everything doesn’t need to be finalized today. This is more a getting-to-know-you.”

  
  


~~~

Wei Wuxian walks into the large meeting room feeling incredibly out of his element. Nevertheless he swallows and reminds himself of his goals today. He’s here to make a good impression, to get a read on Lan Zhan, and to stake his claim in writing songs. He can do this. This is what he has always wanted.

Each member of The Six is already there and although they look relaxed Wei Wuxian can’t help but feel like he's walking into an ambush. Wen Qing is there, looking even more gorgeous than she does on magazine covers. Her brother Wen Ning is sitting next to her. The three younger members of the band are all in the other corner. Jin Ling has a trademark yellow shirt on, but all the rest of his clothing is some variation of dark and designer. He has his phone out and is playing a game on it. Next to him is Lan Sizhui and Lan Jingyi engrossed in a quiet conversation.

Finally Wei Wuxian’s eyes rest on Lan Zhan. His expression is impenetrable as he sips a mug of what looks like tea. 

“Ah, hello everyone,” Wei Wuxian says with a grin. He resists the urge to scratch the back of his head and stands where he is. “I’m excited to be here.”

There’s a brief silence where it seems like each of them are waiting for someone else to speak. Wei Wuxian resists looking at Lan Zhan in the meantime. Finally Wen Ning takes the initiative. 

“We’re happy to have you on board, sit down.” He motions to the seat next to him. 

After that there is a round of introductions. Even though Wei Wuxian knows everyone by face and fame it's good to break the ice. Then Win Qing jumps into explaining what their ideas behind the past two albums are and their vision for the band with some interjections from the three youngest members. During this time Lan Zhan remains silent. Finally, when Wen Qing is done with explanations, Wen Ning jumps in again.

“We’re happy you’re here, it will add fresh ideas to what we are thinking about.” He says.

Lan Sizhui smiles and adds. “We definitely want to go a different direction on this next album.”

Wei Wuxian smiles and takes a breath. “I’m glad because I really want to be a part of this,” He shifted his gaze to Lan Zhan who is staring expressionlessly back at him. “You all brought me on because you think we can make better music together than apart. I want a say in the music we are putting out, I want to write this album with you Lan Zhan.” He directs his final words at Lan Zhan and sits back, feeling mild anxiety but mainly just grateful he is done saying his piece. Lan Zhan can think what he wants but at least now the whole band knows Wei Wuxian’s goal. 

A beat goes by and finally Lan Zhan says. “That’s fine Wei Wuxian, we’re all in this together.”

Wei Wuxian isn’t sure exactly what to think about this, considering Lan Zhan’s refusal only a couple of days earlier. Perhaps the time to cool off gave Lan Zhan a new perspective, or perhaps he’s just playing nice in front of the rest of The Six. 

With that the rest of the members begin to chime in with some of their different ideas. Jin Ling really wants to write some of his own riffs. Wen Qing has ideas for how she wants to flesh out the songs with more lush and ornate keys. The rest of the hour goes by with each member suggesting ideas and trying to stake a claim in the album. 

Wei Wuxian stays mainly quiet and tries to observe the group dynamics. It's hard to say if Lan Zhan is upset or doesn’t care about this new democracy. He stays mainly quiet nodding along as different members suggest ideas. When they break for lunch Wei Wuxian is in conversation with Wen Ning about the last tour and misses Lan Zhan exiting the room. Once he realizes Lan Zhan is gone, Wei Wuxian quickly excuses himself and pushes out the door to try and look for him. 

He walks down the hall, glancing into the empty kitchenette and keeps walking until he finds a glass door leading onto a balcony. He sees Lan Zhan standing alone, staring out at the view. Sun beating down onto his pale skin, striking black hair shining in the light. For a second Wei Wuxian is shocked by how lovely a picture he makes. Even in the 80 degree weather Lan Zhan looks gorgeous and unruffled. He steps outside. 

“Lan Zhan,” He calls. “What are you thinking about?”

Lan Zhan turns to look at him. He seems to think for a second, opens his mouth and closes it again looking frustrated. Wei Wuxian decides to take the initiative to bring up the not-so-small elephant in the room.

“I’m sorry, about what I said on Twitter. I’m not going to take back what I said, because I do think you were being really controlling...but I’m sorry that I said it publicly. It..wasn’t the smartest. I was a bit drunk.” He winces remembering that earlier on Monday Lan Zhan had told him it was a good idea to drink less.

For a second Lan Zhan’s face looks surprised and confused before quickly going back to expressionless.

“Thank you for the apology.” Lan Zhan says slowly. For a second Wei Wuxian thinks that's all he is going to get out of him and prepares to go back inside to get out of the sun but then Lan Zhan begins speaking again. “I have some ideas for new songs. We could work on fleshing them out tomorrow.”

Wei Wuxian tilts his head. He recognizes this is an olive branch but, as Lan Zhan knows, he also has ideas for songs. 

“Ok- as long as you are willing to look at the songs I wrote too.” He says.

Lan Zhan looks back at him coolly, but nods in agreement. Wei Wuxian knows that he probably has an upward battle if he is going to get his way tomorrow, and in the coming months, but he decides to let it rest. Tomorrow they can begin the work. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song:  
> Milk -the 1975


	4. Like a River Runs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Mental illness, substance abuse referenced. Use of the word “whore” by a kid who doesn’t really understand what he’s saying if that's a thing for you. Some racism in mainstream media if you squint. 
> 
> The two songs referenced in this chapter are both real songs. In the story neither song is completely written but if you want to see the complete version I'll tag them at the end of the chapter.

Lan Wangji is four years old the first time he remembers his mother singing. He was being tucked in for a nap, and there she was next to him, humming a soft tune under her breath. He doesn’t remember the details, but he has filled them in over the years. He likes to think she was smiling and rubbing his back. All he can really remember is the feeling of being protected, of being safe. 

The next time the topic of music comes up is when he hears his mother arguing with his father the summer before the second grade.

His parents immigrated to the United States right before Lan Zhan was conceived. His father was starting a job at Cultivation Records in New York City . His extended family had recently acquired the production company, and Lan Wangji’s dad was expected to help with the daily operations. Lan Zhan’s mother stayed at home during those years and took care of Lan Zhan and Lan Xichen. He remembers that their upstate New York house was light and always clean. His mother would cook them breakfast, lunch and dinner each day even though their father could afford to hire a private chef. She insisted it was her way of staying grounded and connected to the boys. 

The argument, what he could hear of it, started because his mother suggested she go back to work as a singer. He could barely make out what the two of them were saying, but he remembers being so surprised about his mother’s past that he asked her about it later.

“Mama, you used to sing?” He says later, sitting on her lap as she combs through his hair.

She pauses and looks down at him. 

“Hmm, yes I used to sing before you were born.” She says gently. His mother loves to joke and tease, however, in this moment he remembers she spoke softly, kindly. 

“Why don’t you sing anymore?” He asks. He’s too curious to contain his questions. 

“Because I want to take care of you and your brother. I love you very much, I don’t want to be away from you.” She kisses his head as she says it. He knows that this isn’t true because he heard her arguing earlier, but he doesn’t know how to ask about it. 

“What did you used to sing about?” He asks curiously. He tries to turn back and look at her but she grabs hold of his head and continues combing. 

“Sit. All sorts of things, but mainly about love and adventure.” She says softly.

Later that evening he brings it up with Lan Xichen. 

“Yes she used to sing back in China.” He says when the lights are out and they are talking softly side by side in their twin beds.

“Why doesn’t daddy want her to sing?” He asks.

Lan Xichen looks at him sharply. “Where did you hear that?”

“I heard them talking earlier. He sounded mad.” Says Lan Zhan, eyes welling up with tears because of Lan Xichen’s tone.

Lan Xichen lets out a sigh. “Don’t cry. I’m not mad. It’s just better not to talk about it with them.”

“Why not?” Asks Lan Zhan.

“Because mom was really, really famous but dad doesn’t want her to do it anymore. He says it's bad for the family. They get angry when they talk about it.”

“I want her to sing! It wouldn’t be bad for the family.” says Lan Zhan, confused. He imagines his mother was the best, most beautiful singer in the world. 

“It’s not just about you and me. It’s bad for Dad’s family. Our uncles and cousins,” Lan Xichen lets out a breath. “Look I don’t really know everything and you aren’t going to understand. Just don’t bring it up with them, ok?” And with that he rolls over and turns off the light.

For the rest of the night Lan Zhan stares up at the ceiling, imagining his mother, famous and beautiful and amazing, singing in China. He can’t picture the place, but he can picture his mother, herself but even more herself: larger, shining in technicolor. 

Months pass and Lan Zhan is able to get more information slowly from Lan Xichen and his mother. She was amazing, an idol, and although he hasn’t heard any of her songs he’s sure she was the best musician in the entire world. This is the picture he has when he imagines his mother, and he secretly plans to come up with a plot to get her to sing for his birthday. 

Until one day, in his second grade classroom, George Hooper pinches his arm. 

“What?” Hisses Lan Zhan angrily.

“Guess what I found yesterday.” George says. His face red with excitement, his small fingers holding a torn out page of a magazine.

Lan Zhan feels nervous for reasons he can’t name. Probably because he knows George enjoys making other kids cry. He needs to see what George is holding though, so he grabs it from his hand.

It’s a cover story for some trashy tabloid. In splashy yellow type it reads: “SCANDAL: You won’t believe the pictures this Asian hottie took in her teens!!”. Below is a glossy photo that is unmistakably his mother. The picture must be from years ago because she looks younger, with less wrinkles on her face. She is wearing a tiny bathing suit and looking at the camera with an expression Lan Zhan can’t name. 

“Your moms a whore.”’ George whispers, face triumphant. He pauses before the word ‘whore’, it comes out slowly like he isn’t sure exactly how it should sound.

Lan Zhan feels his whole face flush, tears pricking at the corner of his eyes.

“No she’s not.” He doesn’t know what George means, but he knows it's bad. His whole face feels strange, and he hears a ringing in his ears. 

“Whoreeee. Want to see the other pics?” George says, a nasty smile on his face. He reaches into his pocket, but before he can grab what’s in it Lan Zhan pushes him with all his strength. George is an inch taller than Lan Zhan, but he wasn’t expecting Lan Zhan to totally lose it. The two fall to the ground and Lan Zhan takes a swing at George’s face as the class breaks into an uproar.

Later Lan Zhan sits silently in the principal's office waiting for his mother to collect him. The secretary tried talking to him but he just sat silently, holding an ice pack to his bruised cheek.

The door swings open and his mother rushes in looking frazzled.

“Lan Wangji!” She says, voice sharp. She turns back to the secretary. “Thanks for waiting for him and I’m so sorry.” 

The secretary waves her off. “Of course. The principal said she’ll call you later.”

His mother nods and then grabs his hand pulling him out the door.

In the car she is silent. She hasn’t said anything this whole time. Instead, she lets him stew in the seat next to her wondering what trouble he is going to get into. Once they are home she pulls the car into their driveway and turns it off, allowing them to sit there in silence for several seconds.

“Lan Zhan. Why did you get into a fight?” She looks straight at him, but he keeps his head down refusing to return her gaze.

“I…” 

She cuts him off. “Look at me, dear.”

He looks up again, feeling flustered. “He had...he had this picture of you from a magazine,” He sees her face pale. He feels awful saying what he is about to say. He knows it's a bad word, even though he doesn’t know what it means.

“He said you are a...a whore.” He can barely get the words out. 

She sits silently for a long time. Her skin is pale and her mouth is tightly shut while she gazes straight forward. Waiting for her to say something is agony for Lan Zhan.

Finally she turns to him, she gives him a small smile as if telling him everything is alright. 

“Lan Zhan. I want you to know something very important.” She says staring at him intently.

“First, I want you to know that I’m not embarrassed by who I am. People can say things. What other people say--it doesn’t matter as long as we are happy, ok?” She says. Lan Zhan doesn’t fully understand, but he’s not about to interrupt her.

“Second, and sweetie, this is really important. I don’t want you to fight for me. I’m strong, I can fight for myself. I don’t ever want you to make yourself unhappy for me, because you are my happiness. As long as you and Lan Xichen are happy, I am too.” She sits back in the seat and rubs her face. Then she turns to him again. 

“Please promise me Lan Zhan, hon, you won’t fight my fights, all I need you to do is stay happy and safe for me. Promise.” 

He gulps and looks down. He doesn’t want to say no to her. He would do anything for her, but he also can’t imagine not punching George if he says something like that again.

She tilts his chin up. “Promise.” 

“Ok-I promise.” He whispers back.

~~~

_ 2020 _

Wei Wuxian gets a decent night's sleep on Thursday and wakes up feeling refreshed. He showers in the morning, and has time to do slightly more to his hair than keeping it up in a messy bun. He styles it down with half of it tied back in a thin ponytail. Then he debates what to wear. He wants to give off the impression that he is serious, not just to the band but also to himself. After deliberating over a selection of blazers and dark jeans he finally gives up and settles for a black t-shirt, denim jacket and heather grey joggers. He wants to impress, but he also wants to feel like himself.

He arrives at the studio on time and prepared. He even remembered to bring his notebook and water bottle. He is directed by an assistant to a back room where the rest of the band is spread out already, talking or quietly working. He also notices two new faces in the crowd. A man wearing an expensive suit makes his way to Wei Wuxian and extends his hand. 

“Hello, it’s so nice to formally meet you. My name is Jin Guangyao. I’m the manager for the band.” The man says with a professional and practiced smile. 

“Likewise,” Says Wei Wuxian smiling back. “I’m so excited to be on board.”

“Lan Xichen should be here later today to discuss things, but he’s in meetings right now.” The man looks truly apologetic.

“That’s fine!” Wei Wuxian assures him. He hadn’t expected to see Lan Xichen anyways. 

“And I have one more person to introduce you to.” Jin Guangyao turns around and gestures towards a younger woman with her hair tied in a small bun at the nape of her neck. She is wearing baggy jeans and a loose fitting shirt, and on her feet are a pair of white sneakers. She gives off an air of effortless cool as she stands up to walk over. It’s only when she gets closer that Wei Wuxian notices she is blind.

“This is A-Qing. She is our peerless sound editor.” Jin Guangyao introduces with a flourish.

“You are too much Jin Guangyao,” A-Qing extends her hand to Wei Wuxian. “I prefer going by a nickname… working in a production studio can age you 10 years.” She wrinkles her nose in distaste. 

“She used to be a dj before she came to work for us. It’s like she can’t give up that lifestyle.” Jin Guangyao jokes diplomatically.

“Would never want to,” She replies with a smile.”It's good to meet you. We will be working together a lot the next couple of months.”

“It’s good to meet you too.” Says Wei Wuxian. She returns to her seat leaving Wei Wuxian alone with Jin Guangyao. 

Only now does he notice that Lan Zhan is missing as he looks across at the faces. Jin Guangyao seems to notice his gaze and turns to Wei Wuxian. 

“Lan Zhan is waiting for you in a private office we set up. That’s for you guys to start working on writing songs. The rest of the band is playing with some beats and keys,” Jin Guangyao hands him some keys. “Go meet him. The place is down at the end of the hall to the left.”

Wei Wuxian gathers his things and makes his way down the hall with a touch of nervousness. Once he gets to the end of the corridor he knocks briefly on the door before unlocking it and walking in. 

Inside, he is greeted with the image of Lan Zhan deep in concentration over a piece of paper. His brow is furrowed, and long black hair is pulled into a braid that falls down his back. His posture is impeccable as he erases something on the paper before him. 

“Hi.” Wei Wuxian says softly so as not to disturb him.

Lan Zhan finishes what he is writing, sets down his pencil and looks up.

“Grab a seat. I have more pencils and paper if you want to start working.” Lan Zhan says. Clearly his idea of working together has more to do with physical proximity rather than actual collaboration.

Wei Wuxian holds up his hands in exaggerated protest. “Hey hey. We talked about this. I want to work  _ with _ you.” Maybe the best way to get over this hump is for Wei Wuxian to be the bigger person. He walks over and extends his hand. Not to shake though-- he gestures towards the paper in front of Lan Zhan. “Can I see what you are working on?”

Lan Zhan looks like he wants to protest. Wei Wuxian purses his lips and makes a pouty face at him. “Lan Zhan this is the best way for us to bond. Pleaseee.”

Lan Zhan shoots him an annoyed look but acquiesces. He hands the paper over grudgingly.

“It’s...not done.” He says by way of disclaimer.

Wei Wuxian waves him off and takes a look at the paper, sinking into a chair as he does. Scratches of lines here and there. The song is about losing someone and knowing there is no replacement for them, and about having to live with that loss. 

He reads one of the lines to himself silently.

_ When I fall asleep I can see your face _

_ What I lost in you I will not replace _

These are some sad lyrics. He is still surprised that the man across from him writes in such a heartfelt way when he is so reticent in person. Still, this song feels like it's missing something. He taps his nose thoughtfully.

“I have an idea..”

Lan Zhan cuts him off. “I don’t want to change this song.” The way he says it, sharply and defensively, makes Wei Wuxian realize there is something special about this particular song. 

“Ok...but we are supposed to work together writing something. Here why don’t you check out one of my songs and we can work on that together.” He tosses his notebook at Lan Zhan who just barely catches it.

Lan Zhan starts at the beginning, silently reading through the pages, not making any comment. Finally after many minutes he looks up.

“I’m not going to have the band just sit around singing about how much you love drugs.” He says with a hint of disdain in his voice.

“It's a  _ rock band _ . This is what people expect. I don’t think it’s going to ruin our image.” Wei Wuxian says rolling his eyes. Then the weight of the comment more fully sinks in.

“And I’m not saying that's me, it's more of a metaphor than anything, but what do you know?” Wei Wuxian defends. Yes, he has struggled with things, in the past, but thats all over now and that's what writing music is about, isn’t it? Music is about expression and art and being able to open up about things you can’t normally talk about through the protective barrier of metaphor. Shame starts making his face hot. Why did Lan Zhan have to speak in that tone to him? Does he really think so little of him?

Lan Zhan shakes his head. “We aren’t doing it.” He says with finality.

“Ok--so we aren’t going to do your sad sack song either-- no one wants to hear that. If your songs were working your last album would have done better” He says, acid in his voice. Wei Wuxian doesn’t really mean this, he actually liked the song, but right now he doesn’t care.

He stands. If he doesn’t get out of here now he’s going to say something even worse that he’ll end up regretting. He can feel the anger and bile burning at the back of his throat ready to be let out.

“I’m outta here.” He turns and walks out the door, heart racing, only hearing the clack-clack of his feet on the tile floor as he blindly moves in the direction of the elevators.

He’s about to skip the elevator and go straight to the stairwell so he won’t run into anybody when the thought of Yanli pops into his head. What will Yanli think when he tells her he gave up so early? What about Jiang Cheng, when he reminds him again of how his failures and actions affect not just him but the family? The thought of their disappointed faces swims into his mind. Just another reminder of his previous failure with Purple Lighting. He turns and reluctantly walks back towards the room with Lan Zhan.

Standing in front of the door he steadies himself, before pushing it open. Lan Zhan looks up in surprise.

“Look, I’m not giving up my opportunity to write a great album because of you--so here’s what we are going to do: I’m going to scrap my stuff and you are going to scrap your stuff and we are going to start fresh.” He says fiercely. 

“Ok,” Lan Zhan says after a pause. “But not that first song.... All the rest, fine.”

“Ok, then you're going to have to let me do some edits on it. You either want my help or you don’t. But I can’t deal with you until I’ve had something to eat. Let’s get out of here.” He beckons for Lan Zhan to come with him. 

Lan Zhan’s face looks confused, but he stands to follow without protest and the two make their way down the elevator. Wei Wuxian quickly searches for a diner on his phone and finds one a couple blocks away. The two of them make it there in uncomfortable silence. 

~~~

The diner is filled with faded, plasticky booths and the window paint on the exterior needs to be refreshed. The air conditioning inside is turned on full blast to deal with the uncomfortable heat of summer in Manhattan. An older lady, with hair pulled back in a no-nonsense bun, seats them and takes their order. Wei Wuxian orders a coffee and burger and Lan Zhan orders tea. Once she is gone Wei Wuxian leans back into the red booth with a huff, thinking about what to say to the other man. They sit in silence, until Lan Zhan begins to tap his foot along to the song being played in the background. 

Wei Wuxian lets out a startled laugh. “You know this song?” He asks, face incredulous.

The song playing is one of Purple Lightnings' earlier and more obscure tracks. Lan Zhan looks up in surprise like he was almost unaware of what he had been doing a second before. He nods. 

“Huh, would you believe I wrote this song?” Wei Wuxian says, a small smirk playing on his face. Lan Zhan doesn’t look like he is going to say anything in response so Wei Wuxian keeps talking, decides to tell him the whole story. 

“So here’s the thing, when I was still in my brother's band we were just starting out, right? This was right after we told our parents we were going to try to make the music thing work, and holy shit were they mad about that,” Wei Wuxian shakes his head at the memory. “So we were writing this song about how we had all these expectations shoved on us, from our family and especially Madam Yu...she always had something to say.”

The food arrives and Wei Wuxian grabs his burger and starts loading it up with ketchup before he continues speaking. “So I saw Jiang Cheng had this line he wrote. It was something like: ‘ _ they want us to fit into boxes made for us _ .’ Something like that, right? And I was like that’s not exactly it is it, it's more ‘ _ All the spaces they made for us/Are all filled up/And they will deceive us _ …’. You know because I thought the other line was a bit too overdone, and everyone’s heard that before.” He smiles at the memory of writing that song. It had been fun going back and forth with Jiang Cheng in those early days.

He looks up to notice Lan Zhan looking at him in a slightly calculating way. 

“That was a good line.” Lan Zhan states, like his words make it fact. Wei Wuxian laughs in response.

“I mean I know that, you don’t need to tell me.” He shrugs.

“Why aren’t you credited on the song?” Lan Zhan says, face confused. He almost looks concerned for Wei Wuxian. 

“I mean I left the band before they got signed, right? Before they released the album.” Wei Wuxian shrugs again, this time trying to communicate to Lan Zhan that this is no big deal, just water under the bridge. He grabs a fry and considers it before taking a large bite. He looks up to see Lan Zhan’s face go from a frown, like he’s trying to figure something out, to blank again. 

“Ok so lets play a game. We each get to ask the other person a question and you have to answer, no lies,” Says Wei Wuxian. “And I get to go first because now you know something about me.”

“....ok.” Lan Zhan says in grudging acquiescence.

“Ok, that sad-sack song you wrote? Who is it about? An ex?” Wei Wuxian asks, a hint of teasing in his voice. 

Lan Zhan looks like a deer in headlights at first, and Wei Wuxian is almost sure he isn’t going to answer. Finally he opens his mouth and says begrudgingly, “my mother.”

Wei Wuxian feels his eyes widen in surprise. “Ah..ok I guess I don’t mean to pry about family matters...” He looks away awkwardly feeling liked he stepped into something over his head.

Lan Zhan cuts him off. “She was the one who taught me to love music. She was amazing--but she wasn’t well for a long time..she got into some stuff....probably because she was unhappy” He’s looking past Wei Wuxian’s head and out the window, seeing something not there. Wei Wuxian waits to see if he will say more, but he doesn’t. 

“Is that why I bother you so much?” Wei Wuxian asks, unable to stop himself.

Lan Zhan looks up at him, gaze restrained, but angry, saying nothing. 

“Ah, nevermind we don’t have to talk about it anymore.” He looks away feeling bad that he pushed Lan Zhan further than he wanted to go.

“My turn,” Says Lan Zhan, voice tinged with anger. “When are you going to stop the drinking? Are you using also?”

Wei Wuxian lifts his eyebrows in mock surprise. “That’s two questions, but I guess I’ll tell you.” He looks to the side, finding it hard to meet Lan Zhan’s gaze. “I don’t do that anymore...well I mean I still drink sometimes,” He admits when he hears Lan Zhan cough incredulously under his breath. “But it's not a problem. I don’t smoke or do any drugs anymore. Most of what you see is just the tabloids blowing up stories about partying but it's mainly exaggerated….” 

He laughs shakily. “Really Lan Zhan you can’t believe everything you hear.”

Lan Zhan is looking at him skeptically. “Honest to god, I wouldn’t lie to you about this Lan Zhan.” Wei Wuxian whines. Honestly, this prude, Wei Wuxian really doesn’t do anything hard anymore, after his disastrous college years he’s put that time of his life behind him.

“Then why does everything you sing about, have to be about that?” Lan Zhan asks.

“That’s an extra question,” Wei Wuxian says wagging his finger. “But if you have to know it's because everyone loves to hear about someone dangerous. They don’t want to  _ actually  _ be like you, see the things you’ve seen, but they love to be around you, right? Glamour of the rockstar.” He says flippantly.

“That’s a song.” Lan Zhan says quietly. He’s giving Wei Wuxian that strange, curious look again. 

“Oh, I guess you're exactly right.” Smiles Wei Wuxian. The woman returns to grab their empty plates. 

He continues. “We are going to get back and you are going to write that song you just mentioned, and I’m going to look at that sad one you gave me earlier and give it my own personal twist.” 

Wei Wuxian waits to see if Lan Zhan will protest, but the other man actually looks excited, or at least as excited as Wei Wuxian has seen him look.

Lan Zhan nods. They pay at the register and make their way back out into the sweltering New York afternoon to return to the studio.

~~~

As he writes the new song, Lan Zhan thinks about the wistfulness on Wei Wuxian’s face when they spoke. He’s not totally writing it for Wei Wuxian, he thinks, but he’s at least partially writing about him, inspired by him. Or maybe inspired by Lan Zhan’s own mother. 

He writes about the idea of someone who is for everyone else, used by everyone else, loved by everyone else, but on the inside they are a totally different person. He’s not sure if that's an entirely accurate depiction of Wei Wuxian’s feelings, but does it need to be? It’s art, it’s a song. It’s meant to be an interpretation of an ideal. 

He wants to stay away from Wei Wuxian, to keep him at arm's length. He doesn’t need that sort of instability in his life, after he promised himself he would never live a lifestyle of anything approaching that of a typical rockstar. No drugs, no alcohol, no excessive partying. He certainly doesn’t approve of anyone who engages in those behaviors. However, Wei Wuxian surprised him. Lan Zhan hadn’t expected him to take his music so seriously, but he did. And he is good. Extremely good. The song Wei Wuxian wrote for Purple Lighting was a song that Lan Zhan listens to frequently when he is feeling upset or lonely.

Lan Zhan shakes his head to clear it, and walks into the kitchenette to grab a glass of water. The others have long since gone home in the later afternoon, including Wei Wuxian, but Lan Zhan needs time in the empty office. He needs the space to clear his head and to write this song that was itching to be written ever since he left the diner. 

~~~

Lan Xichen manages to quickly schedule a press opportunity to announce Wei Wuxian joining the band and to smooth over residual twitter gate tension. That’s how Wei Wuxian finds himself on Saturday morning in a makeup chair before his coffee has even had a chance to kick in. Lan Xichen snagged them a spot on Luo Qingyang’s nine am show called “Mornings with MianMian”. The show is incredibly popular so Lan Xichen must have called in a favor to make it happen. Wei Wuxian doesn’t watch morning shows (too early), but he knows that people love this talk show.

The makeup artist is currently dabbing a sweet smelling primer onto Wei Wuxian’s face. Wei Wuxian sits there dutifully hoping that the ice mocha he’s drinking will hit his blood stream soon.

“You really have just amazing bone structure.” Coos the stylist. 

“Thanks,” Says Wei Wuxian, still groggy. A tall woman from wardrobe walks in and looks him up and down. 

“You really have your look down pat, huh?” She says. Wei Wuxian looks down at himself. He’s wearing ripped black jeans, a grey muscle shirt and a flannel left unbuttoned. He looks up and nods. “I can’t handle anything lighter than this, I’ll totally wreck it.”

The stylists considers him and then walks out of the room only to come back carrying almost the exact same items he’s already wearing. 

“We are going to do that look, but just a bit more expensive.” She says with a smile. 

Ten minutes later Wei Wuxian is ready, and feels like he almost looks exactly the same as when he walked in. His skin is slightly glowier, and his ripped jeans are now a more expensive brand of designer. 

The door to the bathroom next to where they are about to go onstage opens and Lan Wangji walks out. His call time was slightly before Wei Wuxian’s so he finished before him. Wei Wuxian feels himself staring unable to tear his gaze away. Lan Wangji was given an outfit that contrasts in every way with his own. Hanging from his tall frame is a pale blue military inspired jacket with a white v-neck underneath. His golden eyes seem to stand out even more than usual and Wei Wuxian can’t help wonder if his stylist applied eyeliner to enhance them. His hair, usually tied neatly back, is down and artfully mussed. 

Lan Zhan looks up at him and gives him a questioning look. Wei Wuxian finally manages to tear his gaze away and says a little too loudly, “alright, ready Lan Zhan? For our big debut?” 

Lan Xichen deemed it necessary for only the two of them to go on the show, primarily to repair the twittergate scandal. Beforehand they had been prepped about what type of questions to expect, and what to deflect. 

“Hn. Ready.” Says Lan Wangji and they both step towards the entrance waiting for their cue. Once they hear it Wei Wuxian lets Lan Zhan lead the way and they make their way onstage to the sound of clapping. The lights are blinding as they walk in and Wei Wuxian feels a bit overwhelmed but smiles all the same, waving at the crowd. 

Luo Qingyang rises from where she is seated and walks over to hug them, giving them both European style kisses on their cheeks. 

“Good morning, good morning! And it really  _ is _ a good morning now that both of you are here! Don’t you agree?” She directs the last part at the crowd and the crowd whoops and claps with approval. 

Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian take their respective spots on the couch. Lan Zhan sits as though the couch is fire, back straight, eyes forward. Luo Qingyang smiles at the two of them and makes herself comfy at her desk. 

“Wei Wuxian, we’ve been hearing whispers about you recently online. How come we find you here today at the studio with Lan Wangji? You must be the luckiest man alive!” She winks at him. 

Wei Wuxian colors a bit thinking of the way he’d stared at Lan Zhan earlier but quickly snaps back into character. They had rehearsed this moment.

He leans forward, and matches her enthusiasm with a broad grin. “I definitely am, especially because my favorite band has given me an offer to come on board their next album.”

Luo Qingyang gasps a little and leans forward. “Wow, so the rumours are true? You are joining The Six?”

“If Lan Wangji will have me.” Wei Wuxian says with a small smirk, glancing at Lan Zhan. 

Lan Zhan doesn’t respond to the goading but Luo Qingyang is there to fill the silence.

“I’m sure he will! You must feel very lucky too, Lan Wangji! With this hot new singer on board, and his amazing voice.” She exclaims. 

Lan Zhan nods. “I am.”

“Come on! tell us a bit more about why you decided to bring Wei Wuxian into the fold.” Luo Qingyang says in a conciliatory tone. 

They had rehearsed this bit too and Lan Zhan goes by the script. 

“Wei Wuxian is a truly talented singer/songwriter, I think his contributions are exactly what the band needs right now.” He says. 

“And what about your personal relationship. What is the dynamic like behind the scenes?” Luo Qingyang continues, eyes sparkling mischievously.

“Wei Wuxian is getting along great with the band.” Lan Zhan evades. Wei Wuxian feels the expectation of the in studio audience. Luo Qingyang turns to them and mock pouts. “Is that what you guys wanted to hear?” The crowd groans and laughs in response. 

“What about what it's like to write songs together? Just the two of you?” Luo Qingyang asks. 

Wei Wuxian expects Lan Zhan to evade the question again, or simply stonewall her. Instead he responds with something unscripted. 

“It’s….refreshing. I didn’t realize I would want or need a new perspective.” Says Lan Zhan, not looking at Wei Wuxian.

“Wow! From Lan Wangji that is the highest praise! How do you feel about that?” She turns to Wei Wuxian. He feels himself heating up from a combination of the question and the stage lights. Did Lan Zhan mean what he just said? Wei Wuxian glances at the other man but gets nothing from him. Then again, Lan Zhan doesn’t typically say things he doesn’t mean.

“It’s also an honor working with Lan Zhan.” He says quickly. He lets the informal name slip. 

“Ah! So you have gotten close! Does Lan Wangji call you, and excuse me if I overstep, Wei Ying?” Luo Qingyang looks like she is delighting in pushing the envelope and the crowd is eating it up.

“Um, ah no…” Wei Wuxian trails off not knowing what to say and feeling out of his element. Normally he would use this as an opportunity to tease Lan Zhan but he doesn’t want to undo any of the progress they have made.

“I haven’t yet, but I can now, Wei Ying.” Says Lan Zhan, his voice is almost monotone but Wei Wuxian see’s a spark in his eyes, like he is daring Wei Wuxian to disagree. His gaze makes Wei Wuxian feel slightly light headed, excitement coursing through his veins. His face heats up even more and he has to look away. 

“Wow you heard it here first guys! Wei Wuxian’s joining The Six and it seems like the band is getting along better than ever! I guess this is The Six that should be seven?” She throws Lan Zhan and Wei Wuxian another wink for good measure.

After that she asks Lan Zhan a couple more questions about different members of the band and various promotional things they have been doing. Wei Wuxian takes the opportunity to sneak glances at Lan Zhan and generally try to calm down. By the time they are being ushered off the stage Wei Wuxian feels totally exhausted. He still doesn’t feel as though he understands Lan Zhan’s intentions, or what he is currently feeling. 

Once they are backstage Wei Wuxian throws himself on a couch and starts chugging the remainder of his coffee. All he wants to do is get home and take a nap. He needs time to pull himself together. The stylists from before are bustling around and one of them informs him it's fine for him to keep the outfit. Wei Wuxian nods in thanks and begins grabbing his things. 

Lan Zhan, who briefly stepped away to talk to someone in his cell, walks up to him. “Lan Xichen ordered you a car to get home. It’s here.” His face is expressionless, all business. Wei Wuxian doesn’t think the other man is going to discuss what he said to Luo Qingyang and in front of a live studio audience anytime soon. Wei Wuxian nods in understanding. 

“Ok, sounds good.” He gathers his things in his arms and stands. They both walk out the back exit of the studio. The car is waiting near the door. 

Wei Wuxian wants to ask Lan Zhan if he meant what he’d said in there, and he wants to know what that strange look Lan Zhan gave him means. He sits down on the leather seat, gathering the words he needs to say to Lan Zhan. However, when he turns to ask Lan Zhan about it he sees the other man has already turned away to return to the building. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> songs  
> Carmen - Lana del rey --Lan Zhan's song for Wei Wuxian  
> Like a River Runs- Bleachers the song Wei Wuxian is "editing"


	5. Carmen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: As usual drugs and alcohol mentioned throughout work.

On Monday Wei Wuxian is full of anticipation. Over the weekend he contemplated the edits he was making to Lan Zhan’s song, and he was sure now that what he had come up with made the song more interesting. He even ran some of his lines by Nie Huaisang who had given his stamp of approval. Wei Wuxian told the group on Friday evening he was ready to try out Lan Zhan’s song in front of the rest of them. 

The group filters slowly into the studio, each of them in various stages of wakefulness. Jin Ling seems like he can barely keep his eyes open and his mood is no better for it. Lan Zhan can hear him loudly complaining to Jingyi about the blandness of the coffee he bought at a nearby bodega until Lan Sizhui reprimands him in his own gentle way. 

By the time everyone is sorted, put their things down and gone to the bathroom, Wei Wuixian has made his way into the recording booth. Lan Zhan had, in his own way, cosigned Wei Wuxian fiddling with the song, so Wei Wuxian didn’t feel he needed to ask for permission again. However, he still felt nervous singing lyrics originally written by Lan Zhan. When he brought it up with the others Wing Ning said he thought it was a great idea, because they would get to see how Wei Wuxian’s voice and style worked with Lan Zhan’s songs. The others hadn’t said much, but seemed excited to have a song to finally work on. Wei Wuxian fiddles with his hair. He shouldn’t be nervous, but the anticipation of how Lan Zhan will take this is killing him. He takes a steadying breath, drops into fake bravado mode, and tells himself this is going to be great, the band wants him to succeed. 

A-Qing takes a seat and calls out to him, “Ok--ready whenever you are. Remember no pressure at all--this is really a test run to get a feel for your sound.” She smiles reassuringly in Wei Wuxian’s general direction. He smiles and nods back.

“Of course!” He says, his words sounding more breezy than he feels. 

Wei Wuxian looks at his notebook one last time, stealing himself.

~~~

Lan Zhan can’t help but feel a mixture of nerves, but also, surprisingly, excitement as well. As much as Wei Wuxian’s attitude annoys him--well--the man can sing. 

Wei Wuxian’s voice is deeper when he sings. Full, and rich, but still not as low as Lan Zhan’s own voice. It has the sort of piercing quality that forces you to listen. As he begins to sing, Lan Zhan can’t help but close his eyes and simply enjoy his own words conveyed with the emotional range Wei Wuxian gives them. It’s only at the end of the first verse that he realizes  _ how  _ Wei Wuxian has edited his words. 

The song begins mournfully, describing the end of a relationship and the regret felt when losing that relationship, but then Wei Wuxian shifts the tone to slightly more optimistic. The lines he added describe how he wants to change his mindset. How, even though losing an important person is traumatizing, Wei Wuxian wants to keep living life to the fullest. 

Lan Zhan feels some anxiety form at the pit of his stomach. How much did Wei Wuxian change the song? 

_ Your light it follows me in darkness _

_ I'm trying hard but I can't win _

Here are Lan Zhan’s lyrics and Wei Wuxian sings them with deep sadness, but then the tone becomes lighter again, more positive. 

_ And I've played the victim for a long long time _

_ And I wanna grow up _

This was not what Lan Zhan wrote, and he almost feels as though Wei Wuxian is gently reprimanding him. As though he's saying ‘ok here is your sad-sack song? Look what I can turn it into!’.

When Wei Wuxian finishes singing he sits there in silence for several seconds while the rest of the band just stare. Then Lan Sizhui starts clapping, and Jingyi lets out a low whistle. 

“Wow! That was actually incredible.” says Jingyi, his face awestruck.

Wei Wuxian looks up as though startled, as though he was just reminded to leave the little world he had just created in the recording booth. He takes in the bands awestruck facial expressions before eyes landing on Lan Zhan’s face. Lan Zhan is not sure what he finds there, but he notices Wei Wuxians face fall. 

“Did you like it Lan Zhan?” He says, hopefully. 

Lan Zhan feels frozen. Of course the song was good, but he feels a little too seen right now. As though Wei Wuxian had not only fully understood his feelings, but also is challenging him to confront his feelings, and be better. 

A-Qing interrupts. “Who cares if he liked it-- that's definitely the version we want on the album,” She looks over at Lan Zhan “although I would consider adding in Lan Zhan’s own interpretation at the end.” She then looks back at Wei Wuxian. “You’re going to sing exactly that again, but with the instrumental once these guys decide what they want to do.” She gestures at the band behind her. 

Lan Zhan says nothing, but inside he feels mildly panicked, and a bit angry. It’s his song, can they not ask him first how he feels about it? 

He stands abruptly. “Ok, then I want everyone to hear what I’ve been working on.” The others look at him with slightly startled faces. It's rare for Lan Zhan to make any sudden decisions, but at this moment, he wants Wei Wuxian to hear the song he wrote for him, after their conversation in the diner. Perhaps hearing this Wei Wuxian will realize that it's not fair to totally expose someone else. Wei Wuxian walks out of the sound booth to join the group. 

Right there, not even in the sound booth, Lan Zhan sings what he wrote acapella. The words aren’t nice, but they tell a compelling story. A story about someone who loves the attention of others, but is ultimately just used by them. A person with a dangerous lifestyle and habits, but who can’t seem to help themselves. The lyrics are about a woman, but reading between the lines it clearly describes the worst side of Wei Wuxian. 

As he sings he watches Wei Wuxian’s face shutter. It’s not as though what Wei Wuxian told him was in confidence, but he probably didn’t expect the weaknesses he revealed to be used against him in such an obvious way. Still though--these lyrics are good--and the song is good and Lan Zhan doesn’t want to apologize especially after how fundamentally Wei Wuxian changed the tone of his own song. 

_ She says, "you don't want to be like me _

_ Don't wanna see all the things I've seen" _

_ I'm dying, I'm dying _

_ She says, "you don't want to get this way _

_ Famous, and dumb, at an early age _

_ Lying, I'm lying _

The lyrics are about a woman, but it's clear who the source material really is. When he is at the end he stops and takes a deep breath. He looks around him waiting for affirmation.

Lan Sizhui and Jingyi look nervous, and Wen Ning keeps glancing over at Wei Wuxian. Jin Ling is nodding along to the song. It’s A-Qing who breaks the silence.

“I didn’t realize we would walk out of her not just with one, but two new amazing songs!” She crows, oblivious to the discomfort in the room. “I can’t wait for you guys to record both of these--everyone else, we have a lot of work to do to get these ready.”

~~~

Obviously the song was about Wei Wuxian, and he knows that. That’s why when he comes home that day, feeling emotionally drained, he debates calling his sister. Jiang Cheng told him not to involve her in his petty dramas, but at the same time he wants to reach out to someone. 

Invariably he finds himself dialing her number. It rings a couple of times and then goes to voicemail, he hears her voice chirp a happy  _ ‘I’m away from the phone, leave a message’ _ .

He sighs and drags his hand through his hair. Standing he goes to the kitchen and begins heating up water to make some instant ramen. Who else can he talk to? Who would understand the situation. Does he have any right to complain about Lan Zhan? After he told him to write a song based on what Wei Wuxian had said at the diner? Lan Zhan was only doing  _ exactly _ what he told him to do. Not to mention the fact that only a couple days before Lan Zhan had said he was  _ enjoying _ working with Wei Wuxian. Wei Wuxian thought they had made headway in their relationship. However, when he sang the edits to Lan Zhan’s song the other man’s face was far from happy, and when asked if he liked it he remained silent. Clearly, Lan Zhan did not like the flavor Wei Wuxian added. 

He thinks about calling one of the numbers he received from the other members of the band for advice. Wen Ning seemed to like him, at least. Wen Qing seemed aloof, but ultimately like she has a head on her shoulders and could give him advice. He didn’t know about the other three, but at least all of them knew Lan Zhan better than himself. 

The water boils and he pours it over his noodles and makes his way back to the couch. No, he’s not going to avoid this, he’s going to confront this head on like he has in the past. He knows what he wants to do. He picks up the phone and dials Lan Sizhui’s number. 

~~~

A couple of hours later he finds himself at the door of Lan Zhan’s Long Island City apartment. He tells the doorman he is Lan Sizhui and that Lan Zhan is expecting him and makes his way upstairs. Of course, he thinks, Lan Zhan has the penthouse apartment in this luxury building. It’s also not surprising that Lan Zhan lives in this neighborhood, close to the city for commuting, but not in the center of it all. 

Amping himself up, he steps up to Lan Zhan’s door and takes a steadying breath, before knocking three times. At first he hears nothing. He stands silently, mentally urging Lan Zhan to the door. Finally he hears a soft rustle, and then a click. The door partially opens and Lan Zhan peers out. His hair is down, making his face appear softer. He clearly wasn’t expecting visitors.

“Yes..?” He says before trailing off as he notices Wei Wuxian. 

“Hey Lan Zhan, let me in?” Wei Wuxian asks, tone conciliatory.

Lan Zhan simply stands there looking startled, so Wei Wuxian takes the opportunity to grab the door and invade Lan Zhan’s space so he will let him through. For a brief second the two are almost nose to nose. Wei Wuxian feels the taller man’s breath on his cheek and sees his eyes widen before Lan Zhan takes a quick step back to allow Wei Wuxian into the apartment. 

“I brought snacks, and uh, games, and wine. Even though I know you don’t really drink so the wine is for me mainly.” Wei Wuxian blusters. 

Lan Zhan looks at him stonily. “What are you doing here?”

“I thought we could do something fun, seeing as we are friends and all now.” Wei Wuxian sends him a bright smile he doesn’t really feel.

Lan Zhan merely arches an eyebrow at him.

“How can you say we aren’t friends?! We even did that interview together!” Wei Wuxian teases. He looks around for Lan Zhan’s kitchen, and finding it, begins rifling through the drawers for a bottle opener. 

“No alcohol.” Lan Zhan grouses. He grabs the bottle opener from Wei Wuxian and opens the fridge. He removes a bottle of seltzer from it and hands it to Wei Wuxian.

“Awww...Lan Zhan how do you expect me to open up and be relaxed around you without booze???” Wei Wuxian whines, only half joking.

Lan Zhan doesn’t dignify this with a response. Instead he makes his way to the couch and sits down primly, crossing one leg over the other.

Wei Wuxian comes over with his bag. “So I have Gardettos in here, or chips if you are more of a chips guy, but they are spicy barbeque. Don’t know if that's your thing,” He says sheepishly. “And here are the games, I brought some typical board games and also some video games…”

Lan Zhan cuts him off. “I don’t play video games.”

“What? Lan Zhan we  _ have _ to fix that right now.” 

“Why are you here?” Lan Zhan says again, holding Wei Wuxian’s gaze.

Wei Wuxian sits down. He sighs and then begins his piece. “Look, I felt like we didn’t leave things very well at the studio. I felt maybe, you were upset about the changes I made to your song. I thought we got past that-- when we talked earlier.”

Lan Zhan stays silent for a moment, but Wei Wuxian recognizes that he is thinking. 

“I knew you were going to change the song, but I didn’t know how you were going to change it.” Lan Zhan says, rather enigmatically.

“Okaayyyy….” Wei Wuxian wants to say something sarcastic, like _ ‘how can I know what types of changes are going to bother you’ _ . Before he can Lan Zhan keeps going.

“Just because the song is about my mother, I might have...overreacted.” Lan Zhan says, as though each word is painful.

Wei Wuxian looks at him. “So that’s why you decided to sing your song about me? To get even?”

“No.” Lan Zhan says emphatically. “I already wrote it.” He pauses and then looks a bit guilty when he says. “I might have revealed it at that moment because I was feeling...defensive.” 

Wei Wuxian looks at him. “I guess I told you you could write whatever, so I shouldn’t get mad. Fuck it, what do I care? It just adds to my image.” He leans back into Lan Zhan’s expensive white leather sofa and kicks his legs onto the coffee table. “I’ll forgive you Lan Zhan.” he says though the other man had not asked for his forgiveness. “I’ll only forgive you on one condition though, you have to try one of my games.”

Lan Zhan looks up at him. “I don’t own a gaming system.”

“Whaattttt?!?!! What do you possibly do in your free time then?”

~~~

Three hours later Wei Wuxian is on the couch yawning. They are halfway through their second movie. The first movie choice he graciously gave to Lan Zhan. The man had picked an art house movie with amazing acting and subtitles called ‘Burning’. Wei Wuxian had thought it would be too slow for his tastes, but the longer he watched the more invested he became in the subtle details and depth the actors gave their roles. By the end of the thriller he was on the edge of his seat. It helped that Lan Zhan had an amazing speaker system and a massive tv. 

Now they were watching Wei Wuxian’s pick, which he decided would be a horror movie to spice things up. Wei Wuxian loved horror movies because he enjoyed a good scare, but that didn’t mean he always  _ handled  _ them the best. Which is why, even though he had seen this movie at least five times, he had one of Lan Zhan’s throw pillows on his lap, ready as a shield.

A devil's face appears on the ceiling in the movie and Wei Wuxian squeals holding the pillow up to cover his eyes. 

“Ahhhhhhh!!!!! Lan Zhan, tell me when it’s over!”

“You were the one who chose this movie.” Lan Zhan says with an amused huff.

“That doesn’t mean I’m not going to be scared during it! Just promise to tell me when it’s gone.” says Wei Wuxian.

“Or, we could just put something else on?” suggest Lan Zhan.

“No! You just have to promise to tell me when the scary part is over. Okay?”

Wei Wuxian peers out from behind the pillow at Lan Zhan’s face and sees a small smile creep its way onto his face.

“You’re enjoying this!” He accuses. Immediately the smile drops from Lan Zhan’s face.

“No I’m not.” Lan Zhan refutes.

Both of them settle back into silence on the couch, the only sounds are the screams and eerie background noise coming from the TV. 

“The scary part is over.” Says Lan Zhan.

Wei Wuxian moves the pillow from his face with relief only to see a terrifying monster appear on screen. 

“Ahh!!!!” He jumps about a foot in the air and scurries over to Lan Zhan grabbing his arm and holding it over his face.

“You lied to me!” He yells, annoyed. Then he realizes the position he is in. Clutching Lan Zhan’s arm, practically curled up in his lap. He looks guiltily up at Lan Zhan and sets his arm down and begins shuffling back. The other man's face is stoic as usual and firmly facing the tv, refusing to look at Wei Wuxian. Wei Wuxian feels his face heat up thinking about how close they were to each other.

“I didn’t lie.”

“Yes, yes you did. You violated the code of scary movie conduct.” says Wei Wuxian.

“There are scary moments every other second.” Lan Zhan shrugs.

Wei Wuxian can’t really argue with that logic so he huffs and grabs his protective pillow. Even though there is now a litany of monsters and a descent into hell playing out on screen he can’t stop thinking about how close he was to Lan Zhan. The way the other man’s arm felt, the warmth of his side. The way his hair smelled faintly of sandalwood when Wei Wuxian had pulled him close. He tries to shake the thoughts out of his head, or at least control his blush. It’s not that he  _ likes  _ Lan Zhan, but neither he or any of Lan Zhans thousands of adoring fans can deny that the man is attractive. He’s been featured in  _ Hottest Men of the Year  _ and young star features more times than he can count. 

His lazer focus on not letting his thoughts wander has him yawning and he drifts off, sinking further back into the couch. 

~~~

He wakes up the next morning at nine in confusion. The ceiling looks different than his own. Startled he sits up, and the blanket that has been placed on him in the night slides off his body. Looking around he hears noises from the kitchen. That’s right, he had gone over to Lan Zhans to clear the air, and he must have ended up falling asleep at some point. 

The noise he is hearing from the kitchen must be Lan Zhan, already awake. The smells emanating from the other side of the apartment indicate that Lan Zhan got a jump on cooking breakfast. Wei Wuxian rises to his feet in order to investigate. 

Lan Zhan stands in the kitchen, frying some eggs. His hair is pulled back in his usual immaculate braid but Wei Wuxian can’t help but laugh when he notices the other man is wearing a blue apron with a bunny embroidered on the front. 

The noise makes Lan Zhan look up. 

“Good morning. I made eggs and congee if you want some.” Says Lan Zhan. 

“Ah, Lan Zhan you are too much, I feel like you are a doting husband.” Says Wei Wuxian cheekily.

Lan Zhan quickly looks back down at the pan. “Hm. Set the table, please.”

Wei Wuxian laughs, and after some confusion finds the plates and cutlery. He spreads them out on Lan Zhan’s absurdly clean glass table. 

“Lan Zhan, how do you have a glass table? These are so difficult to keep clean.” He says as Lan Zhan sets the plates of food down. 

“I clean the apartment every day.” Says Lan Zhan. 

“What? Can’t you afford to get someone to do it? That’s so much work!” Says Wei Wuxian aghast. The other man shrugs. 

“I like doing it.” Says Lan Zhan.

Oh my goodness, thinks Wei Wuxian. This poor man, what human could enjoy cleaning? There must be something wrong with him. However, he can’t help but think that Lan Zhan really would be the ideal husband. He lets Lan Zhan know his opinion. 

“So how come no girl has snatched you up? You really are ideal husband material.” 

Lan Zhan takes a small bite of egg, chews and swallows.

“I’m not interested.” He says firmly.

“In, what? Dating?” Wei Wuxian eyes widen. He has to help this poor man live a little. “Oh my god. Lan Zhan, probably because you are spending too much time cleaning! We have to get you out. Come out with me sometime! To a party! I know so many people. Or we could go to a bar sometime.” Wei Wuxian babbles. 

“No need.” Says Lan Zhan.

“Ah...come on. Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan, I know so many pretty girls. I can definitely set you up. I’m also a great wingman. Come to a party with me.” He pleads. He would love to see Lan Zhan with his hair down, metaphorically and literally. He tries not to ponder the reason why too much. He also doesn’t know which way Lan Zhan leans. Although Wei Wuxian recognizes himself as bisexual, he realizes that in the entertainment industry not everyone is so comfortably out. It's probably safer for him to assume Lan Zhan is straight and let the other man correct him. 

Lan Zhan shakes his head no and stands to gather the plates. 

“Come on, you have to at least tell me your type! I’ll tell you mine first. I like when a girl is short, but not too short. I also like when they are kinda rebellious looking you know...because that indicates they can have a good time…” He laughs and then hears a sharp crash in the kitchen where Lan Zhan is putting away dishes. He rushes in to see Lan Zhan staring down at a broken plate. 

“Ah sorry Lan Zhan, I’m distracting you. And after you made me such a good breakfast. Sorry, sorry.” He looks around for a broom, and finding one, grabs it to help.

Lan Zhan looks up at him, facial expression tightly drawn. He grabs the broom from Wei Wuxian abruptly.

“Can you please look up uber prices to the studio. We are already late.” he says.

Wei Wuxian sheepishly moves back to the living room to grab his now only half charged phone. He shouldn’t have been distracting Lan Zhan when he was being such a good host. He hopes the other man will calm down from whatever bad mood he is in soon since they are about to go to work. 

He grabs his phone and punches the address of the studio into uber. 

“Lan Zhan, we should be able to get there in 20 minutes.” He calls from the living room. 

“Hn. Go ahead and call it.” 

The two of them make their way to the studio, and are only about an hour late. The rest of the band has already been working on the instrumental to the songs they introduced the other day.

Jin Ling is the only one bold enough to raise and eyebrow at the two of them arriving together. The rest are poker faced about it with the exception of Wei Wuxian catching Jingyi gossiping with Jin Ling later in the day, but he shuts up quickly when Wei Wuxian walks into the kitchenette. 

For the rest of the day Wei Wuxian and Lan Zhan are holed up in the room given to them to work on songs. The energy in the room feels totally different than it did that first day, and significantly better than the awkward tension they had yesterday. Although Wei Wuxian is now starting from scratch again with his songs, he can’t help but feel excited for the road ahead. 

~~~

Text conversation with Yanli:

_ Hi A-Xian! Sorry I didn’t pick up. Work ran super later yesterday. Want to come over this week or weekend? Is everything ok? - Yanli _

_ I would love that <3!! I’m free any night this week! Everything is good at work. Actually better than good. I’m excited to be working on this project. - WWX _

_ Wow! That’s good. You must have really turned things around with Lan Wangji? - Yanli _

_ :) I think so - WWX _

  
  


_ ~~~ _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lan Zhans song: Carmen - Lana Del Rey  
> Wei Wuxian's song: Like a River Runs - Bleachers also the Sia version.
> 
> Movies: the burning is an actual movie, it’s absolutely amazing, everyone should watch it.
> 
> The other movie is based on insidious


	6. Hunger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: alcohol use, unhealthy relationships with alcohol/drugs, drug use  
> song lyrics reference an eating disorder

2014-Boston 

This is the first time in his life Wei Wuxian isn’t rooming with Jiang Cheng. He’s trying to put a brave face on it, but the apartment he found on Craigslist is looking both smaller and more drab in person. He’s starting to wonder if maybe he’s being catfished. Even the brown saggy couch he is staring at looked more perky online. 

Jiang Cheng questioned Wei Wuxian about his choice to move out many times, but nothing could change his mind. He is doing both himself and Jiang Cheng a favor by moving out. He doesn’t want Jiang Cheng to come home from band practice everyday just to be reminded that Wei Wuxian left Purple Lighting. Ultimately, giving himself space will help them both progress on their separate journeys. Wei Wuxian might not know what that journey is for himself yet, but he’s determined to find out. 

His new roommate, Xue Yang, seems friendly enough. The other man was prompt in his email replies to Wei Wuxian which was part of the reason he took the apartment in the first place. Wei Wuxian was eager to move, and because of that he was hasty in selecting an apartment, a fact he is now regretting. 

“So the living room isn’t much, but at least it came fully furnished from the previous tenant-- your bedroom is also furnished. You can throw away whatever you don’t like.” Xue Yang is saying. 

Wei Wuxian nods, smiles, and follows Xue Yang down a narrow hallway.

“Ok, this is your room, it’s small, but you do have an en suite bathroom!” Says Xue Yang. The room is tiny, it can basically fit a full size bed and not much else. The en suite bathroom is really just a toilet, no shower attached, or mirror. 

“Ok, cool…” Says Wei Wuxian skeptically.

Xue Yang is undeterred. “We have a cleaning schedule. I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind doing the kitchen next week?” He gives Wei Wuxian a honeyed smile.

“Of course…” Says Wei Wuxian. 

“Awesome! I’m so excited that you are here!” Xue Yang chirps. “I have acting class now so I have to bounce, but you can text me anytime with questions.” 

With that pronouncement the other man flounces out of the room, leaving Wei Wuxian alone.

Wei Wuxian sits on the edge of the previous tenant's saggy bed. He lays his body fully down and is disappointed when he feels the center of the mattress give under his weight. He gets back up and surveys the room. Looking out the window he sees the view is of a parking space and the side of the next house. He sighs, and starts thinking about the things he will need for this new apartment. He will probably need new sheets, a mirror for the bathroom, and a mattress because he is definitely  _ not _ sleeping on the one provided. He had left all his furniture with Jiang Cheng for the next roommate to use. 

Deciding to be productive, he searches on his phone for a nearby Bed Bath and Beyond, gets up and makes his way out of the apartment. On his way out he grabs the keys Xue Yang had pointed out to him earlier.

He makes his way to the bus stop, and sits waiting for the next bus to arrive. Once it does he is there within 10 minutes, and soon finds himself aimlessly wandering the aisles staring at a sea of towels and bath mats. The last time he shopped for new things was when he and Jiang Cheng were moving in together their freshmen year. He remembers them joking about the different unpronounceable names of the furniture at Ikea. Now three years later he is by himself, with a shitty apartment and no one to complain to. 

Wei Wuxian rarely feels lonely, he learned early in life how to take care of himself. However, without Jiang Cheng’s presence he suddenly feels the weight of the city. A sense of aimlessness overtakes him. He grabs some sheets without really looking at them and quickly makes his way to the self checkout. From there he walks out, and seeing a small park, makes his way over to a bench that he promptly collapses on. 

_ What have you done Wei Wuxian? You should have never left Jiang Cheng! Who are you without him?  _ He thinks bitterly. His entire life was structured around being Jiang Cheng’s older brother, and he is only now realizing it. He can’t even imagine how he will fill his hours without Jiang Cheng. His time up until now was used either helping the other man with some grandiose scheme, joking around with him, or cleaning up their combined messes. Life has always been that way. 

_ You are going to have to get used to doing something else with your time now.  _ He thinks, blinking back one lone tear. He wipes it away angrily, there’s no point in wallowing in self pity, he needs a plan. Jiang Cheng has the band, but what does Wei Wuxian have? What can he say for himself?

Just then his phone vibrates, as though some deity is taking pity on his loneliness. 

He removes his phone from his pocket and sees one new text from a sender titled  _ ‘Xue Yang Somerville Apt’ _

_ ‘Hey roomie! Want to get some drinks with my acting class? We are just finishing up now.’ -Xue Yang _

Wei Wuxian thinks about his response. Xue Yang seems friendly enough, but he barely knows the guy. He’s not sure if he’s currently in the right state of mind to go out and mingle with new people. Then again, isn’t this exactly what he wanted? A new social group to meet? Something to distract himself?

He types out a response. 

_ ‘Sure! Where at?’ -WWX _

Xue Yang responds with the name and address to a bar not too far away. Wei Wuxian walks in the direction of the orange line with his new bedsheets. He spends 15 minutes on the train gathering his nerves and mentally preparing himself. When he arrives at the bar, he’s happy to find that the place is dark and divey. He makes his way to the back where he sees Xue Yang waving at him. Around him are an assortment of men and women, all about Xue Yang’s age. 

“Wei Wuxian! This is everyone. Everyone, this is Wei Wuxian.” Xue Yang winks and gestures at the group in an exaggerated fashion, like he is acting in some sort of regency period piece.

Wei Wuxian sits down next to a curvy girl with thick glasses, and short hair. She smiles at him. 

“Hi, nice to meet you. I’m Em. Sorry if this is a bit overwhelming. There are a lot of us.” She says.

“I see that.” Laughs Wei Wuxian.

“Wei Xuxian, help yourself to our pitcher!” Xue Yang calls from where he is seated next to a delicate looking man with beautiful bone structure. It’s still strange for Wei Wuxian to be drinking in public. He only reached legal drinking age earlier this year. The rest of the group look used to it, even though they all appear to be about the same age as him.

He grabs one of the empty glasses, and Em helps serve him from the pitcher. 

“It’s crappy beer, but it's cheap.” She says with a wink. 

“Don’t worry, I’m a cheap date.” He jokes. It’s hard to imagine he was feeling lonely just an hour earlier.

Forty-five minutes later, and several glasses in, he has learned all about Em’s dreams of acting, and her plans for school. He also knows a bit more about Xue Yang from her. His new roommate has tons of natural talent for acting, something that Em is insanely jealous of. 

“So tell me, why did you move in with Xue Yang? Why Somerville?” Em asks. 

It's good that Wei Wuxian has had several drinks, because it diminishes the sting of this question.

“I needed my own space.” He says.

“Oh? From who?” She asks, leaning forward.

“My brother. We’ve been rooming together since the beginning of college.” Wei Wuxian replies. 

“Family huh? that’s tough. You always have to share everything. I was a middle child, so I get it--I never had my own shit.” Em commiserates.

Wei Wuxian nods in agreement.

“So how’s your brother feeling about you moving out?” She asks.

Wei Wuxian shakes his head. “Not happy-- he really wanted me to stay.”

Just then he feels a hand on his shoulder. He looks up and sees Xue Yang hovering above him.

“Hey, I thought we could get some shots now, huh? Get this party started! Em, you in?” 

Em shakes her head. “Nah, I think I’m done for tonight. I don’t want a hangover.”

“What about you, Wei Wuxian?” Xue Yang asks. “Don’t you turn me down too!” Xue Yang pouts and flutters his eyelashes theatrically. 

Wei Wuxian thinks about it for a second. Yes, he’s had enough beers tonight, but isn’t this the perfect opportunity to try new things? To make new friends? He just needs to loosen up a little and say yes to what is in front of him. 

“Of course. I’m down for whatever.” He stands to follow Xue Yang and they make their way to the bar. 

As they wait for the bartender to pay them attention, Xue Yang turns to Wei Wuxian.

“I’m so glad you decided to be roommates with me.” He says, a touch flirtatiously.

“Oh, yeah? Why’s that?” Wei Wuxian can’t help but respond with a teasing tone of his own. Two can certainly play this game. 

“Well, look at you! Who wouldn’t want to be your roommate?” Says Xue Yang, smirking. His innocent benevolence from earlier has been replaced with something more knowing, more dangerous.

“I aim to please--so let me know how I’m doing.” Says Wei Wuxian, voice challenging.

“Oh, I certainly will.” Xue Yang gestures at the bartender and the man comes back with two double shots.

Xue Yang holds up one of the shots to clink. Wei Wuxian raises his own in response. If part of the challenge is drinking then he is not going to back down. 

“To my  _ most pleasing _ new roommate.” He smiles as they clink their glasses. “We are going to be the talk of this town.” 

Wei Wuxian chokes back the double shot. He’s no stranger to drinking, but shitty vodka is still shitty vodka. By the time his eyes stop watering Xue Yang has already downed his second. 

Not to be outdone Wei Wuxian quickly takes his second shot. Xue Yang smiles encouragingly before turning to head back to the group.

“I’ll be right there. Bathroom.” Says Wei Wuxian. He moves quickly to a dark black door in the corner of the bar, already feeling a touch light headed. Thankfully, despite the amount of liquid consumed by the patrons, there is no line for the single occupancy bathroom. 

In the bathroom he sits down heavily, already feeling the alcohol take effect. Holding his head in one hand he grabs his phone in the other. Opening his phone he sees that he has no new messages. Not that he had been expecting any, but he had hoped that maybe Jiang Cheng was thinking of him.  _ ‘Not after the way I just left him.’  _ He thinks, internally berating himself. 

Standing, he splashes some water on his face, the heat of the bar and alcohol has left him flushed. He takes a second to stare at himself in the mirror. His long hair is in a high ponytail and he’s wearing a shirt from his previous gym. Xue Yang said he was looking good, but right now he is mainly looking flushed. He steals himself to return to the group. 

He makes his way back to the others, noticing that most of them have vacated the bar except for the man sitting with Xue Yang, another man wearing all black, and Em.

“Miss me?” Wei Wuxian asks, as he slides into his seat next to Em. He hopes he doesn’t sound as drunk as he feels.

“I did, but I think I need to head out now. Early day tomorrow.” She apologizes.

Wei Wuxian hazily thinks that maybe he should be getting up early tomorrow too, but he can’t for the life of him think of a reason why.

“Cool~~” He smiles at her lazily. The two of them quickly exchange numbers and she shuffles out from her middle seat a bit awkwardly. Waving at the group, Em exits, leaving Wei Wuxian with the three other men he barely knows. 

“New Bar!” Xue Yang calls soon after Em leaves and the four men traipse off into the night led by a seemingly sober Xue Yang.

Wei Wuxian only remembers snatches of the second bar. It’s dingy but it has a dance floor. He remembers Xue Yang trying to coax the man with beautiful bone structure, whose name Wei Wuxian learns is Xiao Xingchen, into dancing. The man laughingly refuses. The man in black glares at Xue Yang. Or did Wei Wuxian imagine that? He remembers dancing with Xue Yang and some strangers at the bar to pounding music. The colors are bright, and the strangers are attractively hazy. He’s having so much fun! Xue Yang is a great friend, why hadn’t he done this earlier in college? Why had he holed himself up working on music he wouldn’t even get to sing?

Later he takes another shot, and then, even later, another. He’s outside now, and someone is offering him a cigarette. He takes a drag and realizes it's not just nicotine. The floating feeling of being high, amped and drunk takes over. At some point Xiao Xingchen, and the other man leave. Xue Yang is cajoling and pleading for them to stay. After that it’s a total blur. At some point Wei Wuxian is pretty sure he takes something else, coke? More dancing, more strangers. 

After that he is vomiting somewhere. A toilet? He hopes it's a toilet. He hopes it’s not the floor of the bar. He hopes he retrieved his credit card earlier. More vomit. Xue Yang coos at him, ‘It’s ok, it’s ok--I got you.’

Then he falls into a deep, blessed sleep.

~~~

2020

Wei Wuxian is so happy, it’s actually strange. At first he didn’t recognize the emotion, but now that he has recognized it for what it is, he can’t stop smiling. The songs are good, the band is good, and he feels like he has made progress with Lan Zhan. 

Lan Zhan. Lan Zhan  _ gets _ it. Wei Wuxian didn’t know what it felt like to write with someone who is on the same page as him, but the other man really seems to understand and appreciate what Wei Wuxian is trying to say in his lyrics. It’s an intoxicating feeling.

“Wei Wuxian, focus.” Says the man in question.

“Sure, yeah, I’m focused.” Says Wei Wuxian, who is not focused at all.

Lan Zhan furrows his brow at Wei Wuxian, but says nothing.

“Ok. So I think what you have here is good. I think you just need another example of someone struggling with this issue. One extra story.” Lan Zhan looks down at the lyrics, reading them over again.

Wei Wuxian looks at them too, in concentration.

_ I thought that love was in the drugs _

_ But the more I took, the more it took away _

_ And I could never get enough _

_ I thought that love was on the stage _

_ You give yourself to strangers _

_ You don't have to be afraid _

_ And then it tries to find a home with people, or when I'm alone _

_ Picking it apart and staring at your phone _

“These are really good....” Lan Zhan says, he picks up the pencil and twirls it, a sign that Wei Wuxian now recognizes means he’s thinking. 

Lan Zhan begins writing more words above the first on the page. Wei Wuxian tries to lean over and look, but the other man’s arm blocks his view.

“Here.” Once Lan Zhan is done he shifts the paper over to Wei Wuxian. 

_ At seventeen, I started to starve myself _

_ I thought that love was a kind of emptiness _

_ And at least I understood then, the hunger I felt _

_ And I didn't have to call it loneliness _

“Whaaaatt? Lan Zhan, neither of us are anorexic?” Questions Wei Wuxian. The lyrics are good, but he doesn’t feel like they convey anything approximating an experience he has had. 

“I add this because it makes the story more universal. Your chorus is ‘We  _ all _ have a hunger’. This is just someone else’s perspective.” Says Lan Zhan, not condescending, simply explaining.

Alright. He guess that makes sense. He reads the lyrics together imagining how they will sound. Actually….that was a great idea. It totally works as the key that ties the whole song together. He can imagine the rest of the song playing out, each new verse containing a different story with a similar theme. 

“Actually, I think you might be a genius Lan Zhan. This is perfect.” He looks up with a broad smile. Lan Zhan looks away from him.

“Hm. I’ve been doing this awhile.” He deflects.

“Well even so, you took what I had and made it better. Thank you.” says Wei Wuxian, noticing that the tips of Lan Zhan’s ears look pink. It has been stuffy in the room they have been working in lately. 

“It’s hot in here right? Do you want me to ask if Jin Guangyao can turn the heat down in here?” Asks Wei Wuxian.

Lan Zhan stands up suddenly. “I’m good. I just need...tea. I’m going to Starbucks.” 

“Ok, can I come with you?” Wei Wuxian says, confused.

“No. Finish the song.” Says Lan Zhan and before Wei Wuxian can reply he turns and exits the room.

_ ‘Huh. Lan Zhan is so strange sometimes’ _ Thinks Wei Wuxian. There have been more than a couple of times where Lan Zhan has left or taken a break for no real reason while they have been working on the album. Wei Wuxian chalked it up so far to the other man’s eccentricity. He sighs  _ ‘Maybe I need a break too’.  _

~~~

He finds Lan Sizhui in the kitchenette when he walks in. The other man is eating what looks like a yogurt and granola cup.

“Hey there. How’s it going?” Says Wei Wuxian as he walks in. He hasn’t seen the other band members as much during the past week and a half because he spends most of his time writing in the other room with Lan Zhan.

“I’m good. We’ve been working really hard, so I needed a break.” Lan Sizhui says, smiling sweetly. 

“Are those actually any good?” Wei Wuxian says, pointing at the granola cup.

Lan Sizhui chuckles. “No, but I’ve been trying to eat more probiotics. Jin Ling has me on this new diet.”

_ ‘Huh, would not have chalked that kid up for a diet freak’ _ Thinks Wei Wuxian. There’s a moment of silence before Wei Wuxian remembers that he never did thank Lan Sizhui for his help getting into Lan Zhan’s apartment.

“Oh, I’m sorry I never thanked you for helping me out the other day with Lan Zhan.” He truly does feel apologetic. How did it take him this long to say thank you?

“Don’t apologize!” Lan Sizhui says hastily. “Honestly, I was glad you asked, and reached out to Lan Zhan. You’ve really done a world of good for Lan Zhan, and us.” He says earnestly.

Wei Wuxian feels something flutter in the pit of his stomach. 

“How do you mean?” He asks, feeling suddenly shy.

“Lan Zhan...he doesn’t mean to take control...I don’t think, but he doesn’t really know any other way to operate. But I think the past few years have been a huge burden for him. He’s taken the entire band on his shoulders and it’s a lot of pressure…” Lan Sizhui trails off. 

“What does it have to do with me?” Asks Wei Wuxian.

“Oh! everything! I think with you here Lan Zhan feels like he has an equal he can bounce ideas off of! He seems so much happier.” Lan Sizhui replies. 

Wei Wuxian feels his face heat up. What? Does Lan Zhan really seem happier?

“Hahah! Of course he feels happier, with a talent like me.” He blusters not knowing how to handle this new information.

“Oh, of course you are talented! But Lan Zhan won’t open up to just anyone. I think how you took control and just forced your way into his apartment was perfect! I mean, like that was a physical barrier right, but he has so many mental barriers…” Lan Sizhui says, then blushes. “I shouldn’t be gossiping this much...sorry, sorry. Don’t tell him I told you this.” 

Wei Wuxian promises he won’t say anything and walks out of the kitchenette feeling a bit dazed. Was Lan Sizhui right about Lan Zhan?

~~~

Later that night Lan Xichen takes the whole band, including Jin Guangyao and A-Qing out for dinner and karaoke. The large restaurant in midtown has a couple of levels, and the band makes their way to a private corner on the lofted upper level. They are seated at a large rectangular table. The karaoke booths are downstairs in the back of the restaurant. 

Wei Wuxian sits between Wen Ning and Wen Qing. Wei Wuxian, who was initially intimidated by Wen Qing, realizes that he finds her grouchy, dark humor totally hilarious.

She regales them with stories of different absurd outfits Jin Ling has worn while the younger man squirms in his seat. 

“Wen Qing, how can you go after me when your own brother wears crocs?!” Jin Ling says, attempting to defend his honor.

“Blood runs thicker than water.” Wen Qing retorts, deadpan.

Wei Wuxian bursts into laughter, which has Wen Ning smiling at him in brotherly approval. Wen Ning starts telling him stories of him and Wen Qing growing up.

“She was always the scary one. When kids would tease me she would threaten to kick them in the balls. One time she got Chris Nguyen so bad that school suspended her for a month.”

“He deserved it. And don’t think I wouldn’t do it to any of you.” Threatens Wen Qing staring at each of them.

“Echh. Scary.” Says Lan Jingyi.

“Tough. I’m the only xy chromosome in the band. I have to act like this.” She retorts.

Lan Jingyi rolls his eyes but then begins an apparently long running argument with Jin Guangyao about adding a female member to the band.

“Why not??? It would be great. We would have more sex appeal!” whines Lan Jingyi. 

Jin Guangyao takes a dainty bite of food. “You already have enough sex appeal in the band.”

“Oh my god! I mean female sex appeal! Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji don’t count!!” He cries.

Wei Wuxian feels his face heat up at the mention of him and Lan Wangji in the same class of “sexy band members”. Before he can think too much about it Jin Ling pipes up.

“How am I not sexy? Rude.” Jin Ling pokes his tongue out at Lan Jingyi who swats at him.

The table devolves into good-natured bickering and Wei Wuxian has a chance to glance over at Lan Zhan. The other man has a tiny smile on his face and is staring down at his plate. Wei Wuxian can’t help but feel warmth in the pit of his stomach. Maybe Lan Sizhui is right, Lan Zhan does look happier.

~~~

Later that night, while Lan Jingyi is belting out a cover of “Oops! I did it again” Britney Spears (aided by a couple glasses of wine and Lan Sizhui’s cheering), Wei Wuxian takes a second to exit the sweaty karaoke booth and go outside. He opens the door of the restaurant and finds a spot of wall to lean against. He’s not trying to smoke, he just needs air, and to text Yanli.

He opens his phone and starts crafting a text to send to her. 

_ ‘I’m out with the band tonight singing karaoke. It’s honestly hilarious.’ -WWX _

She responds immediately 

_ ‘That sounds so fun! Way better than all this paperwork I’m doing :(. How have things been with the band?’-Yanli _

Wei Wuxian sighs with contentment. He already feels calmer, talking to Yanli.

_ ‘Really good. Lan Sizhui mentioned something weird though.’-WWX _

_ ‘What’s that?’ -Yanli _

_ ‘He said that Lan Zhan seems happier now. I mean now that I’ve joined the band.’-WWX _

The response isn’t immediate. He sees a couple of bubbles pop up, stop and then start again. Before Yanli finishes typing he hears the door open to the restaurant and looks up. 

Lan Zhan has just stepped outside, and is taking off his white leather jacket to accommodate for the summer heat. He looks over and their eyes meet.

“Lan Zhan.” Wei Wuxian says in acknowledgement.

“Wei Ying.” Lan Zhan responds. Wei Wuxian feels his face heat up in surprise. He knows Lan Zhan said he would use his informal name in an interview, but that was an interview, not real life.

“I’m ahh, just out here, texting my sister.” Wei Wuxian word vomits, feeling off kilter.

“Hn. Cool” Lan Zhan responds, probably the only acknowledgement a normal person could give to a statement like that. 

They stand in silence for a beat.

“She must be really important to you.” Says Lan Zhan suddenly. Or maybe to Lan Zhan it’s the logical conclusion to ten seconds of silence.

“She is probably the most important person in my life.” Wei Wuxian responds honestly. 

“She lives here?” Lan Zhan asks.

“Yes she lives in the UWS. We see each other once or twice a week.” Wei Wuxian smiles fondly. “I wouldn’t move anywhere where I couldn’t see her regularly.” 

He glances up to see Lan Zhan surveying him, a strange expression on his face. When Lan Zhan catches him looking he turns to stare out at the avenue in front of them, surveying the midtown traffic. 

“Anyways, you don’t want to hear me waxing poetic. We do enough of that in the studio, huh?” Wei Wuxian jokes.

“No.” 

“No? What do you mean no?” Wei Wuxian asks, confused.

“I like hearing about your life.” Says Lan Zhan. Wei Wuxian is completely shocked at the sudden admission and looks away in embarrassment, so he misses Lan Zhan’s ears turning pink. 

“Haha! Well I don’t know why, it’s totally boring! Honestly besides getting into a whole bunch of trouble when I was young and dumb there isn’t much to say.” Says Wei Wuxian, trying to deflect. 

“I disagree. I want to hear about it.” Says Lan Zhan earnestly. The tone of his voice makes Wei Wuxian look up.

“I want to thank you, Wei Ying.” Lan Zhan continues, totally serious.

“For what?” laughs Wei Wuxian, trying to brush it off.

“For making the songs better. For being honest, and forcing me to make the music better. If you hadn’t been so stubborn I don’t think we would have such good material already.” Lan Zhan delivers this whole monologue with utter sincerity. 

Wei Ying blushes with surprised happiness. Something small and fluttery takes root in the pit of his stomach. 

“Well don’t count your chickens yet...we still have a long way to go to complete the album.” He says.

“I’m looking forward to it.” Returns Lan Zhan, eyes glinting. 

~~~

_ Text conversation with Yanli _

_ ‘That’s not ‘weird’. A-Xian you are  _ **_amazing_ ** _. I’m glad there is someone out there who can see that’-Yanli delivered at 11:04 PM. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song is Hunger-Florence + The Machine


End file.
